#and i don’t mean that in a putting down kinda way i mean he deserves so much more than any human can give him

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizziepop Take: Let’s talk about the anti-Blitz bash

I’m still fairly new to Reddit, but I saw this post on it and I wanna talk about it. No hate to the OG Reddit poster or anyone else who shares this opinion, I just have some thoughts about it, so let’s get into it because I actually get the “Fuck Blitz Party”.

Ok, so we all know that Blitz, while being a definite fan favorite in the show, and the shows literal namesake, Blitz is bad at love, BUT in order to talk about why this party is actually “necessary” in a way, we first need to talk about Blitz and his ideas of what love is vs what kind of “love” he himself deserves. Within the fragmented bits of flashbacks and from what we’ve actually heard from the mouths of the characters, we’ve been able to start piecing together backstories for some of them…. But as of right now, I wanna look at the bits and pieces of Blitz’s past that we’ve been slowly accumulating throughout the last 2 seasons because we get to see a lot of what made him the way he is now. Starting off strong, we have an abusive father, a best friend turned enemy, a sister gone no contact, and the tragic death of a mother…. Yikes. Thats like 4 tiers on a tragedy cake, which is why it so heavily influences how he experiences love as an adult; trauma changes the brain chemistry, meaning that from the first time his father spoke down to him and treated him as lesser than Barbie and/or Fizz, the imp’s perception of himself and the world around him began to shift, and with each new trauma came a new sense of everything within and around him. Within his formative years, we see him lose the 3 close relationships (his mom, his sister, and his best friend), and it happens literally one after the other after the other, which in his mind solidified the ideas of worthlessness his father planted in him at such a young age. 

What does this all have to do with Blitz’s exes hating him enough to throw a party about it in the current day? I know a lot of people hate this phrase (myself included honestly), but “hurt people, hurt people”. It’s a cheap line, I know, but there’s not too many ways to explain it that don’t boil down to this idea at it’s core when it comes to Blitz…. But here’s the thing: Blitz never truly wants to hurt anyone, he just kinda does it and even he doesn’t understand completely why he feels the need to fuck up every good thing he seems to get his hands on. On the outside looking in, we as an audience know that Blitz is bad at love because he’s been conditioned to equate his worth with what he can give/what he can do (think of how his dad manipulated him into stealing from stolas, or no one seemed to laugh during his jokes in the circus), and this mentality strongly affected how he’s able to cultivate relationships now because he’s still constantly looking at all his relationships as transactional because it’s the only way he believes he deserves to be loved by anyone. A lot of people say that you can’t love someone until you love himself, meaning that Blitz’s own self hatred is holding him back from meaningful relationships, which is true, but it’s less a case of the imp being unable to love and more a case of him being uncomfortable with intimacy and therefore not entirely knowing how to accept or show it. We that man has so much love in his body to give to those he surrounds himself with that it is almost sickening, but because he’s not comfortable with receiving the same type of loving energy he puts into others, when it happens and someone shows a genuine interest in him past just sex, he panics and goes on the offense. Think of him like a dog who’s been attacked by other dogs; after the first time, they might be a little scared, after the second, they’ll probably start to become a little more skittish and on edge when other dogs approach them even if its someone they once enjoyed being near, but by the third and fourth times its happened, that dog will start viewing every other dog as a potential threat and they’ll react by being the aggressor because “if I hurt them first, they can’t hurt me”.

I know by this point, everyone is probably still like “Fizzie, why does this mean that his exes hate him enough to throw a party like that?” and “How did he date that many people?”

Simply put: Blitz didn’t “date” all those people. If I had to guess, I would honestly say he probably only ever had real relationships with about a quarter of the people at the party. Why is that? Because I Blitz used sex as a coping mechanism for most of his life… if I were to go based solely on vibes, I think this likely started because his father realized he could rent his son out for more “playdates” after what happened with Stolas when they were children, meaning that he would have equated sex with being desired, and I think for a long time being desired in any way was better than not being wanted at all in his eyes… But with his fear of intimacy and being left to rot after having fallen for someone, I think he took the hurt them before they hurt me approach, so I think a lot of the people there were in a mostly one-sided relationship with him, one that Blitz never truly viewed as romantic intimate relationships, hence why he says he can’t believe he’s fucked that many people rather than dated that many. Looking at things from this perspective, it would make a lot more sense since Blitz not viewing most relationships as exclusive would mean he potentially had his connections and fun with multiple people within the same timeline. Do I think Blitz is a cheater? Not by nature, but I also think that when he was using this mentality anyone who wanted to have a relationship with him where he didn’t wander from their bed would have had to explicitly specify that to him, and I think that a lot of these exes either assumed he would hold their relationship to the same standards they did or, when they would bring it up or mention the word ‘love’ in anything more than a joking manner, he would cut and run, likely doing something in the end to show them that he was not worth the love they attempted to pour into him, like he did with Verosika.

Assuming this is the way things went down with the exes at the party, it’s likely that a lot of them never truly got the closure they needed to fully heal from hurricane Blitz… And though I don’t think he ever meant to hurt this many people to that point, I think it was a sort of wakeup call to him to see that not only have these people trauma bonded over him to the point where the party is almost like a support group for these people, but it also opened his eyes to how Stolas felt about him because he was at this party to essentially drink the heartbreak away for the night. Despite the end of Stolitz being heartbreaking, I think that the party scenes were necessary to the beginning of Blitz’s personal growth story-line, and the potential beginning of a better version of the Stolitz we all love.

Anyway… as always this is only the humble opinion of a simple Fizziepop, and I’d love to know what other people think about the annual gathering of his exes to trauma bond over one man. I personally love the way it plays into Stolas and Blitz’s  breakup and healing arcs…. And also I’m a pisces so I do tend to be a lil dramatic sometimes and live for things and people as dramatic and extra as I tend to be.

[peaceoutofthepieces]

If you're still taking Heartstopper hug prompts, I'd love to see either the desperate hug or the hug you don't deserve. Thank you!

i'm sorry this took so long!! and i kinda forgot what the prompt was and it just kinda got shoehorned in at the end. whoops. i had this idea for a long time and i ended up thinking it just kinda fit with this, so i hope you enjoy!

18. tight and desperate 28. the hug you don’t deserve

Charlie didn't even know how the argument had started. He certainly hadn't intended it, but maybe he should have predicted Nick’s reaction, should have known where the line of conversation would go. Maybe a part of him had wanted it, had been provoking Nick with subconscious purpose. 

The thing was he couldn't have expected this reaction, because Nick’s go-to wasn't to argue. Not with Charlie. They'd had their fair share, but it took Nick time to lose his patience and respond to Charlie's anger or frustration. This time it was all the more confusing because Charlie hadn't been angry. He was fairly sure his tone had been free of spite, that there was no edge, that Nick shouldn't have suspected a double meaning or hidden barb, because there wasn't any. 

Charlie had made a throwaway comment about Nick missing his local chippy when he went to uni, and Nick had set his food down with a clatter and said, “Do we have to do this again?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't want to argue about uni.”

“I wasn't trying to argue,” Charlie protested, still trying to keep his voice gentle. 

Nick visibly bit back a response. “It just usually ends up that way.”

Charlie wanted to say that wasn't his fault, but he swallowed the urge. He wasn't trying to argue; it just always seemed to be a sensitive subject. But it had already gotten as bad as it could get, when Charlie had thought for days he'd lost Nick, and they'd worked it out. They wouldn't let that happen again. Charlie, if anything, wanted to start emphasising that by making the idea feel normal. Nick would leave, and they would be apart, and Charlie was growing to accept it. But it was clear neither of them felt normal about it, still. 

Nick seemed to intentionally soften, taking a moment to lower his shoulders and smooth his expression before talking to Charlie more gently. “I'd just rather not talk about it. I just want to have a chill night with takeaway and a film.”

“That's fine,” Charlie said, but the thought kept nudging at him, and he kept going. “But I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it. I know I—I got upset and blew up at you about it before. But we worked through it. And now I'm more scared if…if we keep avoiding it, eventually you'll just want to avoid me.” Nick’s eyes flickered, and Charlie pressed on before things did stumble into argument territory. “When you're at uni you'll definitely want to talk about it then, and I don't want that to put you off talking to me. Or make you feel like you shouldn't be happy there, in case I'm upset here. I do just want you to be happy, Nick.”

It was more earnestness than Nick had been looking for or than the conversation likely invited, but it felt suddenly important to express, to have Nick know. Nick was usually the one giving Charlie these emotional reassurances. It was only fair that Charlie get to be the one throwing Nick off now and again. 

But Nick wasn't thrown off, or openly besotted with Charlie's speech. He looked away entirely. “You know I'm not happy all the time?”

Charlie blinked. His heart thudded. Of course he knew that. No one was happy all the time; he knew that better than anyone. Why was that Nick’s response now, though? Was he unhappy right now? Was he saying he wasn't always happy with Charlie? “I'd think you were crazy if you were,” Charlie decided to respond, still light and reassuring and hopefully leaving room for Nick to elaborate. 

“I wasn't happy when we were apart before.”

Nick looked at him again, and Charlie's stomach twisted. They hadn't had this conversation in a while. It was always there—it would never go away—but it wasn't persistent anymore. Charlie knew it linked into uni talk. He'd been waiting for it to come up, truthfully. 

That didn't make him any happier about it.

“This won't be anything like that, though,” Charlie said softly. 

“Won't it? I'll still only get to talk to you on the phone, unless I travel hours to see you, and neither of us can know how often we'll get to do that.”

Well. Charlie supposed he couldn't argue with that. “But it'll be different. We'll both be kept busy and you won't be stuck home, worrying about me. You'll be able to actually have fun.” Charlie would be doing his A-levels, and without Nick and Tori, and decidedly not having fun, but he would manage. He had his friends, and he had Geoff, and despite how much he'd rather not have so much of his parents, sometimes, they wouldn't let him die, so there was that. 

It wouldn't do them any good to mention that now. Nick was already clearly struggling with something, and the last thing Charlie wanted was to add to it. There was no need to make Nick feel guilty. Again. 

“I always worry about you,” Nick said quietly. Charlie's face dropped, and Nick shook his head. “Not because I think you can't manage or because I don't trust you or anything. It's not just because you've been ill. It's like…like how I worry about Mum.”

That piqued Charlie's curiosity, immediately distracting him from the initial zip of anger. He reached over and took Nick’s hand. “Can you explain that a bit more?”

Nick glanced at the coffee table, where their takeout lay abandoned. “The food’s gonna be cold,” he mumbled. “Sorry, I shouldn't have started this while we were eating.”

Charlie was not about to remind Nick that a moment ago, he'd been mad at Charlie for ‘starting it’. Nick already looked so downhearted; there was no need to start an entirely different argument. Which was why Charlie didn't rebuke him for using the s-word, either. The best tactic at this point was to accept the diversion. “It should still be fine. How about we finish it and then we can go up to your room?”

Nick smiled, grateful for the easy shift. Charlie pretended not to notice Nick sneaking glances at him as they ate. He managed to mechanically make his way through his meal while distracting himself thinking over what Nick said. It almost sounded like Nick was saying he didn't think he'd be happy, going to uni. But that couldn't be right. He'd been nothing but excited since deciding he wanted to go to Leeds. He'd been a bit quiet lately, but not so out of character that Charlie had been concerned. Maybe he should have been paying more attention. 

Nick finished eating before him, but stayed sitting quietly, sipping at his drink. When Charlie set his own empty dish down and rose, offering Nick his hand, Nick smiled adoringly up at him. He took Charlie's hand and stood, only to immediately bundle Charlie in a hug. 

Charlie huffed, half-amused and half-concerned, and tucked his arms around Nick's waist. “What's this for?” he asked quietly. 

“Can't I just hug you?” Nick mumbled into his hair. 

Charlie simply squeezed him in response. 

After a moment, Nick continued. “I just—I really love you.”

Charlie pulled back to look at him. His concern was getting a little louder, but Nick didn't look upset. His gaze was full of its usual warmth. Charlie squeezed his sides again. “I love you too.” He leaned in to peck Nick's lips, and was granted another smile. “Let's clean this up and go cuddle.”

Nick obliged with enthusiasm. By the time they were lying in Nick’s room, Nick seemed to have shook off whatever he'd been feeling. He lay contently on Charlie's chest, and Charlie was loath to break it. 

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been missing something, and now that it had creeped into the light, he couldn't ignore it. Not if Nick was unhappy because of it. 

“What did you mean before?” Charlie asked, because that seemed like the easiest way to bring it back up. 

“Hm?” Nick sounded sleepy. Charlie stopped playing with his hair and instead let his hand lay there, cupping Nick’s head. 

“When you said that you worry about me like you worry about your mum.”

There was a small pause. Charlie wasn't sure if it was because Nick was sleepy or because he was delaying responding. “Oh. Sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense.”

“Can you make it make sense? Give an example, maybe?”

Nick adjusted, curling more onto his front—and more onto Charlie—and tightening his hold around Charlie's waist before easing it again. “I dunno. It's like, how you worry about anyone you love. And it just…feels like it would be worse, further away. I know me being here wouldn't stop it, but I just hate the thought of someone I love struggling or getting sick or anything when I'm not there. It's not that I don't think you can manage without me—it's not really anything to do with you to begin with. Anything can just happen. Something could happen to Nellie or Henry, or Mum could get sick, or there could be an accident and any one of you could—”

“Nick,” Charlie cut him off. “Hey.”

He cupped Nick's cheek, urging him to look up. When Nick only pressed his face closer to Charlie's neck, Charlie shifted back and slid his body down until they were lying face to face, keeping Nick held in his hands. 

Nick's eyes were vaguely misty. He blinked a few times quickly while looking at Charlie, then he focused somewhere around Charlie's chin. “Sorry. I told you it doesn't make any sense.”

Charlie shook his head. “No. Like you said, I think everyone does worry about that sort of thing.” Charlie was fairly chronically anxious, so he would know. But when those thoughts came to him, they were some of the more fleeting. Charlie was able to brush them off as irrational much more easily than the thoughts about how awful he himself was, etcetera. This didn't seem like it would be helpful to share; it sounded like more than a fleeting thought to Nick. “Do you think about that a lot, though?”

Nick shrugged as best he could while lying down. 

“Is that why you've been down lately? You're thinking about…being worried a lot when you're away?” Charlie understood that, to an extent. Surprisingly, it wasn't one of the things he felt the need to have in his control, because he knew it was impossible. Like Nick said, his presence or his will wouldn't do anything to change or stop an accident or illness. Charlie had always been aware of that, and that made the lack of control easier to accept.

But he knew how terrifying that lack could feel. 

But Nick said, “No. I mean, it doesn't help. It's crossed my mind a lot. But I haven't been—I'm not obsessing over it, or anything.”

Charlie's lips pursed. He couldn't help it. 

“Not—” Nick’s eyes widened. “God, I didn't mean—fuck, I'm making a right mess of this.” He covered his face with a hand, tilting his chin down. 

“It's fine,” Charlie said softly. “I know you didn't mean anything by it.” Gently, he curled his hand around Nick’s and brought it down, laying their interlocked fingers in the small gap between them. Nick gave him a little smile, hesitant and apologetic. Charlie smiled back, equally unsure. “But if it's not this…is there something else?”

Nick's eyes flickered away again. He twitched his shoulders in a semblance of a shrug. 

Charlie slid closer to him, letting Nick's weight pull him in, the dip in the mattress widening to hold them both together. Charlie slotted a knee between Nick’s and pushed a hand back into Nick's hair. He scratched at Nick's scalp and tipped their heads together, until his forehead rested on Nick’s and Nick’s breath brushed his lips. 

It took one beat, two, for Nick to settle under the embrace. His body relaxed even as his hand curled in Charlie's hoodie and his eyes closed. Charlie stayed silent. Pushing Nick wouldn't do any good, but Charlie could always offer this. Nick bloomed under affection; nothing seemed to make him more comfortable than Charlie's touch, so Charlie offered it as frequently and freely as he could. Maybe it wouldn't make Nick talk to him—he didn't want to make Nick talk to him—but hopefully it would remind him that he could, because Charlie was here and he loved him and he wasn't going anywhere, regardless of how much distance might separate them. Hopefully it would make him feel safe enough to try. 

Eventually, Nick spoke in a whisper. “It's not about your illness. But I have been thinking a lot about what it was like, when you were in the clinic.”

Charlie squashed down his unease. “What about it?”

“It just…of course it sucked because I was worried about you and our contact was so limited, but it—it mostly sucked being by myself.”

It was hard to read Nick's expression, even when Charlie pulled back an inch to look. Charlie frowned. “What do you mean?”

Nick's eyes fluttered open, but he kept his gaze down to where he was fiddling with the string on Charlie's (Nick’s) hoodie. “It was the first time I'd really been without you since we met, and I'd forgotten what it was like.” He looked up at Charlie. “You know the first time Mum met you, she said I was more myself around you?”

Charlie hadn't known that. He couldn't say it surprised him, exactly—he'd known from the start that Nick was different around him—but it was nice to think Sarah had not only noticed, but approved so early on. Charlie just shook his head in response to Nick. 

“I couldn't figure out what she meant,” Nick said, and it sounded like an admission. “Not because I didn't think I was different around you—I knew you were different—but because I didn't know how she could tell it was more me. I didn't even know what that was.”

This wasn't what Charlie had expected. The thought that Nick would be worried over something like this would never have even crossed Charlie's mind. He knew Nick struggled in the early stages of their relationship—who didn’t, when discovering their sexuality—but aside from that, Nick had always seemed so thoroughly Nick. He was gentle and open and silly and sporty and strong in his beliefs, even when he doubted himself. He'd said it with such confidence before. I like who I am. I like my life.

Charlie played a factor in that, surely, but his distance wouldn't make that much of a difference. Would it? 

“I do,” Charlie said softly. “I know. You're wonderful, Nick.”

“I wasn't, though, was I?” Nick cut in before Charlie could give the rest of what he'd planned to say. “Before I met you, I…it was like I was just being pulled along. I was just existing. I wasn't this great, lovely person you make me out to be.”

Charlie had no idea what to think of that, never mind how to respond. All that left his mouth was a sad, wobbly, “Nick.”

He hadn't known Nick thought of himself that way. He'd known, especially at the beginning, that Nick was harder on himself than he ought to be, and it wasn't just about struggling to come out. Even since before they'd gotten together, he seemed to harbour guilt. From what Charlie could remember, Nick hadn't even been a present witness to his mistreatment—and Charlie would remember Nick, he was sure. But Nick had heard the gossip and the insults and, in his opinion, hadn't done enough to counteract it.

In Charlie's opinion, no one had, and that had never been Nick's fault or responsibility. But he understood where Nick was coming from. 

That didn't change how Charlie saw him, though. It didn't change how Nick was. 

“I know what you mean,” Charlie eventually continued, when Nick did nothing but breathe heavily and blink sadly at him. “But listen to what you're saying. You weren't bad then, and that wasn't you. Even your mum could see that.” Charlie poked Nick's chest. “But you've had me for over two years now, and you've done nothing but prove how great and lovely you are. You can't fake that, and it won't disappear when we're apart. I know who you are, Nick, and you're my favourite person.”

Nick's eyes grew misty, and he burrowed into Charlie's chest before he could start to cry. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders and head and cradled him close, pressing a kiss to his crown and stroking the hair at his nape. 

“I didn't let you see how bad it was, though,” Nick whispered, his voice choppy and wet. “Char, it made me miserable. It felt like—like I was sleepwalking, and I couldn't do anything and nothing could reach me when you weren't there. And I know, I know, I was only that miserable because I was so worried but Char, you don't understand. You went there and you made things better for yourself and you've grown so, so much in the past year and a half and I just—I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can do that on my own.”

Charlie absorbed that, then again pulled back and urged Nick to look up at him, holding Nick’s face in his hands. “I think that's exactly why you need to do it,” he said softly. 

Nick sniffed, hard, but didn't protest. 

“And you won't be on your own,” Charlie continued. “We might not be ten minutes from each other, but that doesn't mean I won't be there for you. I'd never leave you on your own, Nick. Neither will Tara and Darcy, or any of our other friends.”

“You can't be sure of that, though.”

“I know I can't promise you things won't change. But I'm not going anywhere,” Charlie enunciated each word, leaning closer until they were nose to nose. “You at least have to believe that.”

Nick's eyes flit back and forth between Charlie's. He seemed to be battling with what he wanted to say. Eventually he came out with, “I don't want to become someone you don't like.”

Charlie's heart twisted, but alongside it was a twinge of relief. They were getting to the root of the problem, and it was much more manageable than Charlie had thought. Charlie had enough experience with this kind of self doubt to know it could be worked through, especially with the right support, and Charlie would do everything in his power to provide that. 

“I'm fairly sure that's impossible,” Charlie said. “But do you want to tell me how you think that could happen?”

Nick closed his eyes again, and his shoulders shifted in another weak shrug. “I don't know. Look at what's happening right now. It's selfish, I don't deserve you comforting me when I'm the one who's leaving and you should—”

Charlie cut him off by enveloping him in another hug with a loud shush. It felt like they'd been hugging for an hour by now, and still every time Nick wrapped around him it seemed tighter, more desperate. Charlie didn't know if he was failing that miserably at easing Nick's concerns or if this was Nick's natural need for touch. 

“You're allowed to ask for help, Nick.” Charlie spoke into Nick's hair. “I never want you to pretend you're not upset because you think I might be. Okay? Please.”

Nick murmured something like an apology, and Charlie shushed him again. “I don't want how we are to change,” Nick mumbled. “If the few times we get to see each other it starts to just feel awkward or sad and it'll be just like when Dad—”

Nick cut himself off abruptly, but Charlie had heard it. And here, he realised, was the root. He mentally kicked himself. He should have seen that connection a mile away.

They didn't talk about it often. Nick had ranted to Charlie about his dad a few times, after they'd met up in Paris and their debacle of a dinner and when he failed to show up for holidays as promised, though Nick always said it was expected. Charlie knew his feelings about his father were complicated, and that anger and disappointment held a lot of that space, but he'd always thought it best to let Nick bring it up on his own terms. Unless he was mentioned, Charlie avoided asking, and perhaps that had been a mistake. 

He hugged Nick tighter, more desperately, to give himself time to work out what to say. 

He settled on an apology. “I'm sorry, Nick. I should have known what this was about.”

Nick's reply came slow, and his voice was thick. “I don't even think I knew.” He took a heaving breath. “God, that's pathetic.”

“No,” Charlie argued immediately. “It's not. You're not. It makes perfect sense, Nick.”

Nick gave a wobbly laugh. “D'you think you can explain it to me then?”

Charlie thought he probably could if he tried, but he wasn't sure it was his place. For a while he just held Nick in silence, letting them both think it over. Periodically, he pressed a kiss to whatever part of Nick he could reach, or rubbed up and down his back, or scratched gently at his head. Anything to remind Nick he was there and he understood and he loved him. 

Eventually, Charlie got the nerve to ask, “Do you think you have, like, separation anxiety?”

Nick took a moment, Charlie hoped to consider this and not because he was upset. “Like what some kids have when they start school and stuff?”

“Yeah. But I don't think it's just kids,” Charlie added quickly. “There was this girl at the clinic with me. The main thing she struggled with was being apart from her parents at the start. It wasn't why she was there, but it was part of it. She told me she even had a few panic attacks about it. She lost one of her grandparents, when she was really young. Then she had this intense fear of her parents dying every time they were away from her. It never completely left her. She just got better at managing it.”

Nick was quiet for so long Charlie thought he'd gone too far and Nick wasn't going to respond anymore. When he did, it was a small, quiet, “Oh.”

Charlie steeled himself. “So it makes sense. If…your dad leaving and things changing so much between you. If that was something that really affected you, it makes sense you'd worry about other people you love leaving.”

“It isn't…you don't think that's silly, or childish?”

Charlie shook his head adamantly, despite the fact Nick was still pressed against him and wouldn't see the gesture. Charlie knew he would feel it, but he still said, “No, Nick. It's not silly at all. And like you said, everyone worries about the people they love. People only think this is childish because children haven't learned how to hide it, so it's more obvious in them.”

Nick absorbed this. Charlie hated not being able to see his face, but he didn't want to push things. He wanted to provide Nick with comfort in the form Nick was comfortable with. It helped that he could hear and feel Nick's breaths, and could tell that they'd steadied. It wasn't a simple thing to take in, but it had seemed to almost settle Nick, more than panic him. 

“Honestly,” Nick murmured, “I think me having some kind of anxiety does make sense. And this…fits.”

Charlie squeezed Nick tight and ignored the ache that caused in him. “You don't have to figure it out or understand it right now. I could be completely wrong. But whatever it is, we can look into it together. If you want?”

Nick smushed his face to Charlie's neck. “I really love you.”

Charlie smiled. “I really love you too.”

Nick was the one to pull back this time. His eyes were a little red, and there was a dry tear-track down one cheek, but the mist over his expression had cleared. If not happy, he seemed more at ease now. “I think it would help,” he said. “To look into something. Maybe if I understand better it won't…I can stop it from bothering me so much.”

Charlie tried to tamp down his pride, but he was sure it shone through. “I think so.” He nudged Nick's nose with his own, uncaring it was cold and damp. “Whatever you need, I'll be here.”

Nick looked at him for a long moment, less in doubt, Charlie thought, and more just to look. To remind himself this was real and true, at least for now. Slowly, he smiled. 

“Yeah,” Nick said. “I know.”

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

raith is like. a really good person. i hope you know that.

i do. i’m constantly amazed by it. i just idk i’m not really sure what to say to this but i do know that. he deserves the world.

[rafey-baby]

older!rafe and sensitive!reader spending the holidays together

18+ mdni! 

c/w: fluff, her ovulating and being horny, smut: p-in-v, slight breeding kink, use of dad

wc: 1.5k

ugh i’ve missed this man

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Why is he doin’ that shit?”  

“Rafe, it’s a rom-com,” she reasons, practically glued to him on their couch with the way she keeps shifting closer and closer, almost unconsciously at this point.   

“Yeah, a shitty one. Why was it necessary to do a whole fuckin’ speech at the mall? He couldn’t jus’ I dunno, tell her how he felt?” he scoffs, clearly fed up with the entire film already. 

She can’t stop the bubbly laughter from escaping her when she looks over to his scowling face. “I mean, this is actually getting kinda weird…why’s everyone watching them?” 

“Yeah, ‘n why are they still on that fuckin’ stage?” he grumbles while the couple is now fully making out on the TV screen. 

“Please don’t ever do anything like that to me.”

“Yeah, was actually gonna ask, you, uh, you wanna go shoppin’ tomorrow?” 

“No!” she giggles before taking a sip of the hot chocolate she’d made for herself (because Rafe deliberately told her he didn’t want any) but the minute she’d sat down with the mug in hand, he’d wanted to try it, which ended up with him drinking nearly half of it.  

“Oh shit, forgot to give you this earlier, look what I got you today,” he suddenly murmurs. 

“Hm?” her eyes flit over to his face; momentarily distracted by his pretty features as he searches for something from the back pocket of his pants. Then, he’s pulling a golden necklace from a velvety box.    

“That looks really expensive,” she nervously mumbles, pausing the TV in order to concentrate on the heart-shaped locket he’s holding out to her.   

“You deserve the fuckin’ world, it was nothin’ alright? Can think of it as an early Christmas present if it makes you feel better,” he rolls his eyes, almost exasperated that she still can’t seem to comprehend the fact that he enjoys spending his money on her.    

“It’s so beautiful,” she croons as she inspects the piece of jewelry with careful fingertips, heart swelling in her chest at the sentiment— recalling how she’d mentioned something about thinking pendants like these were adorable maybe once.    

“Yeah? You like it?”    

“I love it. Wait, you had your initials carved into it too? That’s so cute, Ray, what the hell?” she feels her eyes grow watery because her boyfriend really is her favorite person in the whole wide world for a reason.    

“Yeah, know you’re into sappy shit like that, ‘n you can put m’picture inside too ‘n you’ll always have me with you or whatever the fuck.”    

“Shut up, you’re so sweet! I love you,” she exclaims before she’s wrapping her arms around his neck— climbing into his lap in the process while he murmurs into her hair how he apparently ‘loves her more’, which she thinks is not possible.    

“Let me put it on you?” he says before he’s swiping away some strands in order to clasp the locket around her neck. “Look so pretty with m’name on you.”

“Wait, you should have my name on you too,” she jokingly utters out next.  

“Been thinkin’ about gettin’ it tattooed actually,” he admits, completely serious, which makes her face scrunch up.  

“You’re not getting my name tattooed on you— you’re crazy,” she softly hits his chest. However, he can barely even feel it because she really doesn’t have a single violent bone in her body.   

“Yeah, crazy ‘bout you,” he grins, eliciting an airy giggle from her.    

Knowing she’s about to complain about him being weird again, he shuts her up with a press of his mouth against hers— a surprised noise leaving her when she’s momentarily taken aback by the sudden cushion of his lips. 

And it’s sloppy, the way they slot together like puzzle pieces when she opens up for him, but both of them prefer it that way. 

His kiss was meant to be something sweet but soon enough she’s rutting against him— whimpering into his mouth as if it’s been years since the last time they did this. And all too soon for her liking, he’s pulling away.

“Somethin’ you want?”  

“…no,” she lies through her teeth.    

“No? Jus’ uh, humpin’ me like a bitch in heat for no reason then, hm?” he raises his brows; eyes fixed on her frustrated features.    

“Ray...” she huffs out; a frown already forming on her spit-slicked lips.    

“Yeah?” he asks, giving her a soft peck as encouragement.    

“Want you…” she pants against his mouth.    

“But m’right here?” the furrow of his brows displays faux confusion.  

“You know what I mean,” she whines; shifting around in his lap some more.    

“M’afraid I don’t. If there’s somethin’ you want, you gonna have to tell me,” the edge of his mouth curls annoyingly when he decides to toy with her, always finding so much entertainment from her struggle.     

However, she merely grants him another whine.   

“Wha’s up with you today, hm? So fuckin’ needy, actin’ like you haven’t been fucked in a month when you were literally cryin’ on m’cock last night?” he murmurs while thumbing at her pouty bottom lip.   

“I don’t know…jus’ need you so bad,” her eyes begin to gloss over when he’s still not giving her what she so desperately craves.    

“Baby, there’s no need to cry, yeah?” he sticks his thumb past her lips; an attempt to placate her, even if he thinks she never looks prettier than with her eyes all wet and forlorn.   

“You’re ovulatin’ right now, aren’t ya?” his brain finally fits together the very telltale signs as he plucks his phone from the coffee table— opening the app that tracks her period cycle.  

“Think so, yeah,” she mumbles, mindlessly sucking on the digit resting on her tongue as she sniffles.  

It’s no surprise to either of them when his assumption proves to be right.    

“Think you need me to fuck a baby in you, s’that it? Wanna make me a real daddy?” he croons.    

“Mhm…want you,” her words are muffled around his thumb.    

“I know, sweetheart. Don’t want anyone but you carryin’ m’kids— think about knockin’ you up so fuckin’ often, you know?”    

“You do?”    

“Yeah, know you’d be such a good mom.”    

“You think? I think you’d be the best dad, sometimes wish you were my dad,” she rambles mindlessly, the conversation suddenly teetering on the edge of something else entirely.    

“Shit, such an angel face ‘n then there’s this rotten mind inside, huh?” he tuts in disapproval, appearing disgusted as if he doesn’t get even harder in response to her words— something raw, primitive stirring in the pit of his stomach whenever she says things like that.    

“M’sorry dad,” she offers him an impish smile.  

“Someone’s in a mood today?” he chuckles, narrowing his eyes in a playful manner.    

“Can you take off your pants?” she complains while attempting to loosen his belt but with her mind buzzing like a honeybee it’s proving to be a rather demanding.   

“Can’t do anythin’ without dad’s help, can you? Go on, let’s see if you can take me out by yourself, yeah?” he rasps out, tone challenging.    

“No, need your help, daddy, I can’t—”  

“Shit, you’re fuckin’ pathetic,” he murmurs, somehow managing to turn something so patronizing into something affectionate as he swats away her helpless hands and yanks the belt open himself.    

“See? Not that fuckin’ hard, was it?” he mutters out as his thumb slips out of her mouth before he’s pulling himself out. And even if he’s not even fully hard yet, and she’s seen it more times than she can count, she’s still mesmerized by the sight— eyes rounding out while she simply stares as if she’s under some spell.    

“You’re so pretty,” she blinks at him, eyes moony.    

“Still not tired of seein’ it, huh?”   

She shakes her head.   

And since she’s not wearing any pants (as usual), he only has to tug the fabric of her underwear to the side in order to reveal her messy cunt.    

“Ray…” she whines when he merely smears the drippy head over her folds; thudding it against her clit to get her to whimper some more.  

“Hm? Want it inside? Wha’s the magic word?” he looks at her with something amused twinkling in his eyes.   

“Please. Dad, it hurts,” she sniffles, desperately trying to rub against him in an attempt to alleviate the ache.    

“Hurts? Think you bein’ a little dramatic, no?” he lets out a breathy chuckle, making her huff out in frustration.   

“M’not, Ray, please, need you so bad,” wet droplets stain her cheeks while she tries to uselessly blink them away.    

“Shh, s’okay. Dad’s bein’ mean again, isn’t he? M’sorry, baby, I’ll give you what you want, yeah?” his voice is a deep rumble before he’s finally tucking the tip into her weepy cunt, causing both of them to moan in tandem when she practically sucks him in— his fingerprints denting the skin of her thighs when he aids her movements to his liking.   

“Yeah? That what you wanted? Always such a tight fuckin’ fit, huh?” he grunts against her mouth; hips meeting hers halfway as he stuffs himself deeper.  

“Mm, I love you,” she whimpers— practically feeling him in her guts as his cock pokes at the spongy spot inside her while his big hands help situate her on top of him, and she thinks this might just be heaven on earth.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Controversial younger s/o things

Slight mentions of like one nsfw thing, especially for Stanley, it’s not much but still I thought I should say.

Ford worries that he’s far too old for you, but yet is unable to keep his distance from you when you spent every waking moment at the shack with Soos, Wendy, Dipper and Mabel.

He feels like a perv whenever he lets his gaze linger a little too long on you for it to be platonic, yet he could never bring himself to look away as you had him bewitched mind, body and soul for all he knew and he didn’t mind it, even if it did mean he lost sleep dreaming about you being his youthful spouse who often stole his turtlenecks just to get his attention.

He thinks you could be better off with someone your own age, and yet despite believing this, Ford can’t help but harbour this mentality that he could treat you far, far better then anyone your own age. He’d worship the ground you walk on, treat you with respect, dignity and trust.

You’d probably be brought down to the lab quite often per his request. Ford claims he needs your opinion on something but the moment your down there, you’re making out with your back pressed against his workbench as his hands remained above your waist; maybe teasingly trailing to your thighs but still he’s a respective gentleman towards you forever and always.

There the moments you gladly wait all day for moments like these as you got to feel just how badly Ford wanted you in more ways then one ;)

You make out in his bed too but that’s only if you couldn’t make it to the lab, so Ford makes sure to lock the door when you do, for privacy and such.

There’s multiple entries about you and Ford’s conflicted feelings towards you followed with sketches of you looking the most beautiful he’s ever seen you. Seeing you be great and supportive with dipper and Mabel defiantly awakens something in him that he later puts down in the journal.

Will loose it if he ever saw you in his turtleneck, he’s not gods strongest soldier in their regards as he’s more then happy to get on his knees for you right then and there. You in his turtleneck is his secrete fantasy and to see it become reality is enough for this man to believe that there is a heaven.

Stanley feels that you deserve better then him

the girdle stays off! You don’t give a fuck, the girdle stays off and you will fucking hide it from him, much to his dismay but you love his tummy so, so so much!

Heated make outs in el Diablo while on road trips just the two of you at night.

Spoils you rotten however he could in meaningful ways, kinda feels sad that he can’t do more for you like you deserved but you didn’t care as you pepper his face with kisses and reassurance that he’s more then enough for you.

Probs gets jealous of you talking to other older men that has deeper pockets, but is smug as fuck the moment you came back to him with wads of their money in your hands as he pulls you in close by the waist and kisses you firmly on the lips saying, ‘that’s my girl/boy/ spouse.’

You will get love bites from him for making him jealous but also for making him so proud of his gorgeous/handsome/ beautiful spouse. You wear them with pride as you know no one else can elicit the same feeling as Stan did and he’d show off his own love bites with pride as he’s shameless and wants to show that he’s more then taken.

Does get moments of insecurity about your age gap but with a few words of reassurances, kisses and caresses to his body and he’s more than back to being confident of your relationship.

Stan wants you to sit on his lap all of the time, no excuses you’re on his lap and he gets the prettiest view of his unbearably cute spouse as his large hand rubs your thighs, getting progressively closer as to where you needed him most. ;)

[sttoru]

‘i told you once, that only two things will have me; you and death.’

☀︎｜tags. gojo satoru x female reader. fluff, angst, comfort. themes of insecurity: trust issues kinda (by reader). reader gets called ‘baby, princess, angel’. self indulgent. proof read? whats that

“aww, there’s my hardworking girl,” satoru coos whilst his arms move to hold your body captive against his chest in a much needed hug, “and she’s still lookin’ as pretty as ever! my god — c’mere.”

your over-excited lover cups your face in his hands and holds it like that for a second to admire. his thumb slides from your cheekbone to your lips, gently parting them before pressing a deep kiss to your mouth. of course, he doesn’t leave it by that. satoru never does.

“pretty,” a kiss on your right cheek — “beautiful,” a kiss on your left one — “gorgeous,” a kiss on the tip of your nose — “amazing”, a kiss on your forehead — “sweetest,” a kiss on your chin — “lovely”, a kiss on the top of your head;

maybe it was the stress of the previous days that made you tear up. satoru has made it a daily routine: you come home, he welcomes you with open arms, showers you with his unending love and attention until you physically have to pull him away from your body. you sometimes ask yourself what you did to deserve someone so loving.

if satoru had heard you say the latter out loud, he would have kissed your mouth again to shut the thought down instantly. ‘you deserve everything and more’, you silently recall him saying once.

“stop that.” you mutter. the ‘that’ referring to the butterfly kisses and tight hugs he’s giving you. you tried not to seem in the mood for receiving his affection today. the muffled giggles leaving through your gritted teeth tell another story however.

“nu-uh,” satoru lets out a low chuckle, going right back to giving you what you deserve, “it’s like you’re askin’ me to stop breathing, baby. i can’t just not do this.”

satoru lifts you up into his strong arms and brings you over to the kitchen counter, settling you there - somewhere away from all that he had been cooking since the morning. he’s grinning from ear to ear, glancing from the covered plates near the stove and back to you.

you tilt your head curiously as you watch satoru grab one plate and uncover it, revealing the content like it was a big surprise—

“open up f’me, my princess.” your lover hums as he’s already guiding a piece of cake to your lips. your favorite cake which he had oh-so-obviously cooked himself judging by the messy look of it. your gaze lingers on the piece for a second to appreciate the gesture.

when you look back up at satoru, his eyes are already on yours — patiently waiting for you to let him feed you. his blue eyes are sparkling with a sense of pure excitement; one he only has around you. his love for you was almost overwhelming at times like these.

“why?”

the simple, one word question made the white sorcerer stop in his tracks. his head cocks to the side, eyelashes fluttering lightly in confusion, though the handsome smile on his face remains. ‘why’ could mean a lot of things in this context; why do you want to feed me? why do you want me to eat this? why should or even would i?

out of all the possible interpretations, satoru knew the exact one you had meant the moment he saw the tears that welled up at the corners of your eyes; ‘why do you care so much?’

“do i need a reason to?” his voice was smooth and soft. almost way too soft now that he’s realised just how vulnerable you were in front of him. satoru’s smile only widens, however — the sight of his girlfriend being overwhelmed by his affection was one he couldn’t resist.

it’s part of your charm. the charm you don’t know about; the charm that made the gojo satoru fall head over heels for you. your lover shakes his head with a light-hearted laugh, putting the slice of cake back down on the plate so he could hold your hands in his.

“i love you, yeah?” he kisses the back of your hands with utmost care before planting another one on your forehead again. satoru cradles your head against his chest afterwards, making you rest your weary body against his for as long as you needed it; his warmth and comfort, “it’s because i love you. that’s the only reason why, angel.”

you just nod in response — needing a moment of silence to recover, which satoru grants you without it having to be asked verbally. it’s like he knows just what goes on in your little head and is always updated about your changing feelings.

that’s what surprises you most. satoru’s super attentive to every single detail about you. from your unnoticeable habits to the big facts. that is what love truly is. that is how it feels like to have a man love you unconditionally—without any underlying or ulterior motives. without expecting anything back.

“i love you too, ‘toru. forever.” you reply eventually in a hushed whisper. the sorcerer only tightens his grip around your body, hugging you closer to his chest like his personal plushie. he nuzzles his nose into your hair — your scent both relaxing yet addicting.

“yeah,” satoru sighs in content and closes his eyes—allowing them to rest. all his senses are focused on making you feel better. he won’t let go of you until he’s sure you understand that you’re deserving of it all; his loving hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, gifts, comfort, cuddles and support.

“forever and beyond that.”

satoru doesn’t mind reminding you how much he cherishes you. even if he has to remind you every day until the day he succumbs. you’re his number one priority; he’ll even make sure to tell you he loves you with his dying breath when the time comes.

he’ll make sure of it.

[amiaclone]

I came to kindly ask something about the unmasked square boss that they take hostage in episode 7

*inhale*

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 😭

You asked I’ll writeee!

*Just as In ho was about to shoot the unmasked guard you grabbed the gun down and turned to the guard*

*He looked to be about the same age as you early 20s or teens maybe? Either way he was young it was wrong but he has his whole life ahead of him!*

*The guard seemed shocked you took the gun and sighed* “Tell us where the headquarters of this place is. Killing you would make us just as bad.” *You spoke in a calm yet stern voice the unmasked guard couldn’t help but stare in admiration*

*As he took us to the place the unmasked guard stuck to you the whole time the others seemed he’d kill him during the first chance they’d get you however seemed different i mean he KNEW he deserved to die but….you gave a nice like home feeling he hasn’t ever felt that in ages…..if at all.*

*You decided to try talking to the guard as he was walking right next to you and maybe find out some backstory as to why guards are guards and hey…..he’s kinda cute.*

“Soo why are you a guard anyway?” *You asked out of the blue*

*The guard tensed he continued walking but he didn’t know what to say would you shoot him if he didn’t answer? What was he supposed to do just tell you?*

“Will you shoot me if i don’t tell you?”

*You quirked an eyebrow* “Why would i do that i need you to take us to the place…..ok and im intrigued that’s all how could they hire someone so young like you’re the same age as me dude….” *You stared at him and couldn’t help but observing his eyes….such beautiful eyes yet they seemed emotionless somehow.*

“Well if you really wanna know us guards are asked in a different way you players are.”

*You felt shocked for a second damn he was gonna tell you* “In what way exactly?”

“Well one thing we have in common is that we’re in pretty bad debt too…..if not more.”

*You quirked an eyebrow* “No way some guy here is in debt to 10 billion you’re telling me more than that?!”

*He didn’t say anything but you assumed he nodded*

“Oh well….what else?”

“Some of us are founded from places like let’s say we are homeless or in my case…..”

(Fake backstory incoming 🔥)

“I was an escaper from North Korea I had nowhere to go in fact i was pretty sure I could get sent back any day in the out world….”

*You frowned ah so he didn’t have anywhere to go that’s sad doesn’t justify anything but you can sympathise.*

“Ah so you had nowhere to go so you just took it?”

“Yes i….didn’t think i had a choice. That doesn’t matter anyway after all im pretty sure I’ll be killed after this….”

“Who said we’re killing you?”

*He quirked an eyebrow for once showing emotion on his face*

“No offense but I doubt this plan will succeed there’s too many guards and other workers that could and will come any minute and the manager….im not sure you’ll make it.”

*You shrugged* “Well if we DO fail why would they kill you?” “Number one rule is never show your face I’ll be killed even though im being forced.” *You pondered in thought you didn’t agree with anything this guy did no matter his backstory but you felt bad.* “Well why don’t you quickly put your mask on before they come?” *He sighed he couldn’t help but find your dumb questions…..cute.* “It’s not that simple.”

“Welll i guess this means you basically have to work with us then?” *Maybe lightening the mood was dumb but what else can you do in a situation like this?*

*Yet even though it’s something he never would of considered the unmasked guard couldn’t help but let out a small smile something he didn’t think he was capable of*

“That is so dumb….” *He stopped himself immediately afraid you’d shoot him for saying that you instead frowned*

“Heyy you could be a little nicer you know.”

“Im sorry-“ “Relax dude I’m messing chill out.” *He sighed in relief which you chuckled a bit out of pity and humour.* “You’re funny who knew a guard could be cool in some way…”

Sooo i hope you liked it sorry if it seemed short!

[notyourhetloki]

sharing is caring pt II (Logan x Reader x Wade)

Reader: (gender neutral)

/NSFW Logan x Reader x Wade/

A/N: This is really short and is completely plotless so enjoy the smut! This is a sequel to this fic if you're interested (it will make much more sense if you read the first part). Requests are open for these two! S2

Tags: afab reader (reader has a vagina), no gendered terms were used, oral sex (reader! receiving), fingering, dirty talk, boys kissing (hihihi).

Word Count: 810

—

After you washed your face in the cold water of the bathroom sink, Logan called you to join them again... but this time in his bedroom.

"You did such a good job, sugar... think you deserve a reward, hm?" He said while Wade smirked beside him. “Lay on the bed for us.”

You obeyed immediately, fantasizing about what they would do. The predatory way they looked down at you, the way Wade licked his lips and Logan showed his teeth… it only turned you on even more.

Logan pulled you by the thighs so your legs were at the edge of the bed, and then carefully took your shorts and underwear off. His rough hands smoothed the skin of your hips, thighs, calves… he took his time to savor the moment, breathing heavily through his nose.

“Open your legs for me, bunny.” He demanded. You shyly complied, opening your thighs slowly and exposing your dripping sex. You could see a big sly smile forming on Logan’s face, while Wade just kept talking. “Hell yeah… look at you.”

You blushed heavily as both men kneeled in front of your open legs. Wade caressed your inner thigh as Logan kissed dangerously close to your most sensitive spot. He looked at Wade and cockily spoke. “Watch and learn, pal.”

Before Wade could respond, Logan buried his face in your cunt, licking and kissing and sucking all the right places. You moaned loudly, whining at every move of his lips and tongue.

He groaned from pleasure and the vibrations only served to stimulate you even further. The grip he had on your legs almost hurt but in a good way, sending electricity through your body.

“Not that I don’t like to watch, peanut, but… kinda wish I-“ Logan once again cut Wade off by grabbing his hand and bringing his fingers into your entrance. “You know what to do.” Logan said between kisses.

“Ohh…” Wade realized as he slowly put his two digits inside you, curling them at the end.

You bucked your hips and squirmed at the sensation. Logan’s lips sucked on your clit as Wade fingered you… it felt heavenly.

“Oh wow, look at that… you like his mouth on your pussy, hm? Like my fingers inside you?” Wade would taunt, continuing to speak obscenities as you struggled to keep quiet. “Your cunt will feel so good around our cocks, gorgeous. Can’t wait to see you bouncing on each one of us.”

“W-Wade! Hm, Logan! Ah…” You felt heat building up in your body until it finally exploded, your climax coming to its peak as you came with their names in your mouth. You trembled a little, breathing erratically and holding the sheets with closed fists.

Logan licked the mess you made, savoring your taste while Wade pulled his digits from you and also tasted them, making a “Hmm” sound as he did so.

They got up from their knees and looked at each other, Logan breaking the silence. "At least all that banter served a purpose in the end, huh."

"Hey! Someone had to do the dirty talk, ok? Also, your whole chin is covered in juices right now, just so you know." Wade responded.

"Why don't you just kiss already?" You suggested playfully, breaking a bit of the tension.

"We have! Indirectly, of course... just a few moments ago you were kissing us both so it means we already traded fluids by now."

Logan, on the other hand, didn't lose the opportunity to act. He grabbed Wade by the T-shirt he wore and connected their mouths with a gentleness almost unknown to him. Wade kept his eyes momentarily open because of the shock, but soon melted into the kiss as their tongues finally met.

They could taste each other and you all together at the same time, and Wade hummed in approval as Logan pulled him closer, closer...

You were giggling like an idiot, hand covering your mouth in surprise... that was the hottest thing you could've imagined.

When the kiss finally ended, Logan pulled back but only enough so he could speak into Wade's lips. "Is this direct enough for you?"

"Y-Yeah... I mean..." Wade stuttered, and if it wasn't for the scarred skin, you would definitely see he was actually blushing. "Maybe you could show me again? See if we can get even more direct, y'know?"

Logan scoffed and pushed him lightly on the chest, distancing from him. "Maybe another time, bub."

"Oh, come here, boys..." You called sweetly, and they slowly made their way by your sides on the bed. They got comfortable, and so did you... curling yourself with your back facing Logan, you kissed them goodnight before drifting away. Wade held your hands as Logan spooned you firmly, and it was then you knew... your life would definitely take a turn alongside the fantastic duo.

—

[ponderingmoonlight]

JJK men with a big-chested reader

Pairings: Nanami x reader; Geto x reader (nsfw); Yuji/Sukuna x reader; Gojo x reader

Word Count: 4,4k (she's big)

Warnings: THIS IS A FIC WITH A BIG-CHESTED READER! so if this triggers you, don't read it (especially in Sukuna's part, you might get triggered when having smaller boobs so just do me a favor and don't read it instead of leaving a sassy comment), boob play in Geto's part so nsfw, in general harassment but big old fluff from your faves, not proofread bc I have my final exam tomorrow - hope you enjoy! 🤍

Special thanks to one of my moots for letting me turn her cleavage into a cover for this fic - you look STUNNING + thank you to everyone who sent me their experiences for this!

Since I'm not big-chested myself, I'm calling all my big boobie girlies to leave me a lil review about this fic - it would literally help me so much 😭

Click here to get to the small-chested version

Nanami Kento

You sigh to yourself, too exhausted to even stand up straight anymore. Today was like a trip to hell and back. All those fucking curses, the death, the horror. You rub your tired eyes, the stinging pain in your back reminding you more than urgently that you have been up for way too long.

“You look tired, darling. Go change and get into bed with me.”

Oh, that deep voice behind you, the voice you learned to love to the moon and back. How did it even happen that a man like Nanami Kento was seeking interest in you? What was it that made a man like him even look your way? You’ve known each other for quite some time, seeing each other on missions from time to time. But when you began to work at Jujutsu High, everything changed so fast that you couldn’t keep up. And now you’re sitting here in his bedroom, watching in awe as he crawls into bed with nothing but his boxer shorts on.

You would love to get out of your uniform right now, But most importantly, you urge to take off that soaking wet bra that has been bugging you since afternoon. You have no choice, though. With a large chest like yours, it simply isn’t possible to leave the house for missions without extra support. You glance at him while he reads in his book, your gaze falling to your chest.

This isn’t exclusively about missions and you know it. Even though you’ve been together for a few months now, you were never brave enough to show Kento your breasts. Not without a bra, let alone completely naked. Just the thought of him seeing how your big breasts fall down when they slip out of their bra shells, the look on his face when he realizes that you don’t look like those large-chested models with their boobs standing like mountains. Yours definitely don’t. And you fucking hate it.

“I know that look on your face. You are uncomfortable, aren’t you?”

His soft voice rips you out of your pondering immediately. Fuck, he caught you again.

“No…I mean…Yes, kinda…”

You can’t lie into his gorgeous face, not even when the truth makes you feel so uncomfortable. Oh, how much you wished you look the way he deserves it with delicious female curves that suit his flawless appearance. But as soon as you look down, you just know how awful your boobs will look when set free. So you’ll do what you do every night: wait until Kento is asleep to finally take off your bra only to set an alarm in the morning to get up before him and put it back on.

“I always wondered why you are waiting until I sleep to take off your bra and put it back on before my alarm goes off.”

You can’t help but stare at him, mind racing while your palms start to get sweaty. Fuck, how did he even notice? No, why did you ever think he wouldn’t? Kento cares about you like none other, never pushed you to take off your shirt, never failed to ask you how you’re feeling.

“Listen, darling.”

He gets off the bed and kneels down in front of the chair you are sitting on, gently taking your hand into his.

“I just want to make sure you feel comfortable around me. Am I the reason that you don’t want to take your bra off? I can see clearly how uncomfortable it makes you feel.”

“No!”, you blurt out immediately.

Calm down your tingling nerves, this is ridiculous. You stare blankly at your hands intertwined with his.

“I mean…It has nothing to do with you, it’s me.”

“How is this about you, love? There is no reason for you to feel uncomfort-“

“I’m afraid.”

You swallow hard. Are you oversharing? Will he laugh at you for something so ridiculous? But what if he sees you naked at some point, his gaze dropping to your chest only to be greeted by your large hanging chest? You can imagine the look of disgust on his face, how he turns away from you, how-

“Hey, look at me darling. Look at me and tell me what’s wrong”

He cups your cheek gently, forces your haunted eyes to look at him, to stare into his orbs filled with sincerity. There is no way out of this, you can’t lie into his gorgeous face.

“When I take my bra of my breasts just…hang. It’s even visible through my t-shirt…”, you mumble, cheeks redder than the devil.

Thick silence hangs between both of you, his gaze still as soft as before. What is going on inside his head? Is he secretly laughing at you, does he even care about what you have to say?

“Let me make a few things clear.”

He lifts himself off the ground and pulls you up. You squint your eyes, mind racing over why on earth he made you stand up. Is he going to leave, to laugh?

“First of all: I love you just the way you are. I love your gorgeous smile, the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you carry yourself. And I love your breasts-“

“You didn’t even see them yet.”

“I don’t have to in order to know that”, he continues.

“Nothing makes me sadder than seeing you uncomfortable each and every night before going to bed. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I imagine it to be really painful after some time. Isn’t it digging into your skin?”

Oh, you think about the countless times the sweat underneath your bra made you almost go insane, the red streaks that visibly show where the wire cut into your skin all day.

“It kinda is…”, you confirm with low voice.

“Don’t do this to yourself. I adore you just the way you are and I am dying to see you laying comfortably in your t-shirt next to me. So please, would you allow me to take it off for you?”

Your eyes widen in pure shock. Is this a bad joke, is he just teasing you? No, this is Nanami Kento. And the way he gazes at you with nothing but affection gleaming in his eyes tells you that he’s telling the true, that this is what he wants right now. But are you ready to expose yourself like this? What if he’s still disgusted after saying all those nice words?

You let your head fall against his chest, breathe in his delicious scent. A voice deep inside you tells you to stop, to just relax inside his arms. This is the man who chose you out of all people, who stood by your side no matter what. Kento proved more than once that he loves you dearly, never made you feel the slightest bit bad about yourself.

“Go ahead…”, you mutter against his chest.

His hands wander up your back gently, make shivers run down your spine until he reaches the clasp of your bra. Your heart simply stops when he unclips it through the fabric of your shirt. You fade into darkness as soon as his hands wander up to your shoulders, slide down the thick straps and pull down your bra until he finally lands on the floor.

Slowly, he takes a step back and picks it off the ground.

“You will never have to wear this again when you are home with me, okay? Not when it makes you feel so uncomfortable”, he gently speaks out.

You stare in awe while he carefully places your big bra over the chair and returns in an instant to pull you close against his chest.

“Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

“Yeah”, you mumble, body slowly but surely getting flooded by warmth.

“Going to bed sounds good…”

Geto Suguru

You feel hot but at the same time cold, turned on but at the same time scared. This is it, the moment you’ve been waiting for. At this very moment, none other than Suguru Geto is laying on top of you, kissing you so passionately that you forget how to breathe.

What an overwhelming feeling it is to call him your boyfriend for a few months now. Such a kind and loving man, always looking out for you, giving you the time you needed for this to finally happen. You couldn’t believe your own ears when whimpering that you want him, that you are ready.

But are you really ready for showing him that part of your body? The part that began too grow way too early in your life, the part you’ve always got picked on by all the other girls.

“Look, there she is! She looks like a cow ready to milk!”

“That cleavage…She’s literally begging for it, what a bitch.”

“Ew, are those pimples on your tits?”

You know you are better than that, that your big breasts just belong to you and that you should love yourself just the way you are. But with none other than Suguru laying on top of you, his hands slowly but surely coming dangerously close to your breasts…

“Wait”, you breathe out, haunted eyes making Suguru stop in his tracks in an instant.

“Did I do something wrong? If you don’t want to, we don’t-“

“No, this is great. I- … I waited so long for this. But I just wanted to let you know that…”

You swallow hard. Are you acting ridiculous, destroying the moment with your behaviour? Suguru’s chocolate brown orbs don’t show a hint of annoyance. Instead, he gently strokes your hair while waiting for you to move on.

He deserves to know it

“I might not have the nicest boobs. They are big, but not well formed like the ones of those models. I tend to sweat a lot underneath them, my skin breaks out from time to time and my nipples might be-“

“Stop that right now, (y/n).”, Suguru gently interrupts you with a grin.

But it doesn’t look like the grin of the girls who picked on you for years. No, this grin is filled with warmth and loves, fills you with what feels like confidence. After all, he said that he loves you just the way you are over and over, right? Still, he didn’t even see your boobs. What if he changes his mind?

“There is absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING about you that isn’t ‘nice’. I don’t care about what the chest of random models looks like, to be honest I don’t care about anyone but you. And you are everything I want, you are everything I see, you are everything I love.”

His words make you tear up in an instant, send your whole body into space. As long as you can remember, no one ever said really nice things about your breasts and therefore you. You were either insulted or sexualized. But that force of a man on top of you…He just looks into your eyes that are filled with nothing but warmth. This man means every word he says.

“Well, that’s cool”, you mutter without even thinking about your words, lost in the sheer sight of his sincere eyes.

There is no one in the world you want to show your boobs more. Like in trance, you pull up the hem of your shirt and let it fall to the floor mindlessly.

“Are you okay with me touching them?”, he purrs against your ear.

A silent whimper escapes your lips while you simply nod, whole body on fire where it touches his. Painfully slow, he lets his hands wander down your hair onto your shoulders, trace the line of your collarbones until he reaches…

Your breasts.

What an unknown feeling. But oh, what a sensation as well. You arch your back out of instinct while he massages your breasts, the feeling of his fingertips against your still skin alone simply driving you insane.

God, who would have thought you’d ever hear Geto Suguru moan against your ear by just looking, touching, squeezing your boobs? His eyes are darkened by lust, the way his heart pounds against his ribcage echoes through your very own body.

“You look absolutely gorgeous. I can’t stop looking at you, (y/n).”

You feel like flying, fainting, losing your balance. There is no doubt in the fact that this man adores you the way you are, that your constant fear of him not liking your large chest was more than unfounded.

“So…you don’t mind the way my breasts look?”, you whimper underneath his bittersweet touch.

“More than that, I adore you”, he replies in an instant. “And now, let me see you in your full glory.”

Yuji/Sukuna

You’re back feels like it might break every minute, shirt dripping in sweat in the sheer heat of the summer sun. You just want to get out of here, away from those disgusting people, back into your dorm. How stupid it was to leave Jujutsu High on your own for a little stroll through the city. Without the protection of Maki or Nobara, without any good friend who shields you from all the unwanted looks your large chest attracts. While most people think it must be a blessing, it definitely is a curse to you 80% of the time.

Just like right now.

“Come on, I just asked for one grab!”, a guy shouts after you.

Out of instinct, you pick up your pace, not even daring to turn around. What did you even do to catch his attention? You gaze down at your breasts that uncomfortably bounce up and down in the way too tight bra you are wearing today. No, you did absolutely nothing wrong. It’s just these disgusting people who seem to see nothing but the size of your chest.

“Why would you want to touch her? She looks like a cow”, the girl next to him comments along with an ugly laugh, making your heart sting in an instant.

“What a slut”, another voice mutters.

“Oh, I didn’t know you are out today! How are you, (y/n)?”

Your heart almost stops inside of your chest, hands beginning to tremble in an instant. No, not him. Not right here when these people are chasing you. If there’s someone you don’t want to hear those things about you, it’s Yuji Itadori.

“J-just…l-leave”, you stutter.

“Huh? But I just met you! Would you like to watch a movie with me?”

“Look, the cow brought her friends!”

“Do you think he’ll get in her pants today?”

“What a lucky bastard, I’d love to touch them just once…”

Yuji’s face drops in an instant when realizing their words are directed towards you.

“Hey, there’s no need to be rude”, he begins but gets stopped by uncontrollable laughter immediately.

You want to die right here on the spot, disappear from the surface of earth. As if being treated like this wasn’t enough, why does it have to be Yuji who witnesses it all?

“Step aside, loser. Let me handle that.”

Sukuna leans forward in his throne, thick anger rising inside of his chest. You, the one who caught his eye when he first saw you. You, with the immense powers. You, with a dangerous mind that could end wars. Who are these people to talk to you in this manner?

“Are you crazy? I definitely won’t let you out right now”, Yuji replies in an instant.

“You aren’t able to help her brat, now get lost!”

“I won’t let you-“

Enough.

“Now who exactly do you losers think you are, huh?”

That voice, that aura? Your mouth feels dry like the desert in an instant, eyes widen in pure shock. No, this is impossible, Yuji is in control over his body, this can’t be-

“With tits like yours, I would be jealous of someone gorgeous like her as well”, he spits at one of the girls following you.

“And you.”

With a swift motion, he grabs on of the guy’s wrists roughly. Just a little more pressure and it will snap.

“P-please. Don’t!”, you shout after him.

Urgh, why does your begging voice make his grip loosen in an instant, what is it about you that made him switch with this brat anyway?

“Were you really just trying to touch her chest? Thinking just because she has a big chest, you are allowed to touch her, to sexualize her, huh? You humans disgust me with your simple desires”, Sukuna continues.

“If it wasn’t for her unshakable character, I would kill every single one of you right on the spot. But for now-“

In the matter of seconds, all their arms hang in unhealthy directions, visibly broken by the sheer force of none other than Ryomen Sukuna.

You want to scream at him, want to run away, want to get away from this place. But on the other hand, a warmth fills your chest. Did the king of curses just stand up for you, protect you from their rude comments?

“Get going”, he barks at you.

“This was unnecessary”, you mumble.

“And give Yuji back.”

“You should be thankful, (y/n). They will worship you for the rest of your life.”

“No, they will be scared of you for the rest of their lives”, you clarify, hands still trembling.

“So what? Nobody gets away with insulting you over your perfect body. Especially not over the size of your chest. How ridiculous…”

You can’t believe your ears, eyes darting towards him in an instant while you turn redder than a tomato. Did he just say that you are…perfect?

“You didn’t mean that”, you breathe out.

“Oh god I’m so sorry (y/n). Did he hurt you?”, the familiar voice of Yuji cries out.

Calm down your tingling nerves, your pounding heart. Sukuna’s gone. Sukuna…stood up for you. Sukuna said you have a perfect body.

What?

“N-No”, you stumble.

How are you supposed to get over this?

Gojo Satoru

Finally. You sit in front of the bar, excited by the smell of alcohol and cheap perfume that hangs in the air. After working your ass off for what felt like an eternity, you decided to use your day off right. You put on the dress that fits you best, packed your purse and went into the first bar you’ve seen.

Damn, when was the last time you were out on your own? With all your friends being out of town for vacation, this definitely is new.

“Not bad”, you mutter to yourself, eyes roaming around people making out, heartfelt laughter and a group of women sipping on their cocktails.

A cocktail, exactly what you need today.

“Hey, I’d love to order something”, you speak out when the waiter finally comes cross you.

What a lucky day, they even have your favourite cocktail in store. You’re usually not the type of girl to go out on yourself, but these last months, you truly learnt how enjoyable time can be with yourself as your only company. You smile to yourself. Yeah, this is definitely something you could get used to.

“There you go”, the friendly male announces and places the glass filled with joy in front of your hungry eyes.

You gift him the sweetest smile you have before taking a sip. Oh, this tastes absolutely amazing.

“I’ve never seen a woman like you alone in a place like this.”

Your heart drops to the floor in an instant, hands holding onto your glass tightly. Ew, a man is certainly the last thing you want to hear right now with the bartender being the only exception. Instead of even looking his way, you just take another sip of your well-mixed cocktail, the music blasting out of the boxes might make him think you can’t hear him and leave.

Honestly, there aren’t many things that creep you out more than men approaching you. Since you’ve reached puberty and your breasts starting to grow bigger and bigger, it almost felt as if you weren’t a person anymore. With rare exceptions here and there, most of them only talked to you because of one thing:

Your boobs.

Is the man sitting next to you one of them?

“Hey, I’m talking to you, gorgeous.”

Your whole body tenses up in an instant, eyes darting towards him by the sound of his harsh voice.

“Excuse me, I’m not up for a talk”, you bite back.

While you did meet genuinely nice men and have some male friends, the one sitting next to you certainly is one of the other categories. God, how much you hate it, being looked down at and reduced to the size of your breasts. You can’t even count how many times you’ve got commented on them, how many men and women just shamelessly stared at your bust instead of your face while talking to you. It’s safe to say you have enough of all of this.

“A woman who presents what she has like that is up for a talk and far more than that. Why would you come here dressed like a slut if you don’t want me to talk to you?”

Your breath gets stuck in your throat, all thoughts vanish into thick air. This disgusting guy with his beard filled with crumbs and breath stinking like the cheapest beer is definitely up for no good. You, dressed like a slut? You wear a basic black dress, the only one your boobs didn’t fall out when trying it on. What the hell is this creep talking about?

“Just because my boobs are big doesn’t mean I’m a slut. Watch how you talk to me”, you bite back.

“I talk however I want to a bitch like you. Are you up to go somewhere more…private?”

The scene that lays itself out in front of Gojo’s eyes is hard to bear. He doesn’t even know the woman in the black dress sitting in front of the bar, let alone the guy sitting next to her. But just one look into your disgusted face is enough to know that something isn’t right. How you cross your arms in front of your chest, your eyes filled with horror, the way you scoop backwards with every word this man says. Are you okay? He shouldn’t let other people’s business bother him. Fuck, wasn’t he here to get his mind off saving everyone all the time? Nah, he should enjoy his evening, drink that new whiskey they offer, just relax and-

You aren’t even able to comprehend what is happening next to you. He stretches out his hand, ready to touch your breasts without consent when another pair of hands stops him mid-air.

“I think the lady said no. Don’t ya think it’s a little over the top to go into a bar and touch a woman’s boobs?”

His voice might sound playful, but your blood freezes inside of your veins by the power he radiates. Just one glance into his face tells you he is like no men you’ve ever met.

“I…She…She said she wanted it to!”, the crumble beard tries to defend himself.

“I said what? Are you out of your fucking mind!? I told you to leave me alone and you harassed me!”, you clarify in harsh tone.

Oh, how much you’d love to break his nose right now, to give him a taste of his own medicine. But the white-haired man seems to have the same plans.

“A guy like you wouldn’t end up with her anyway. That lady has class. And you, my friend, are just a disgusting pervert. Are you touching other women too without consent? Isn’t your first time, huh?”

With a swift motion, he begins to twist the man’s hand around itself. He whines out in pain in an instant, face twisted just like yours before when he talked you down.

“Let me go!”, he cries out in visible discomfort.

“This is what you get for treating a lady so badly. You can be glad she even looked your way.”

When he gifts you a sly grin, you can’t help but blush. What is it about this man that feels so different, so damn inviting? He seems like no other men you’ve met before. And the fact that he just called you lady…Why do your knees suddenly feel weak?

“Now repeat after me: I.am.sorry.for.disrespecting.you.”

“I will not apologize to a girl who’s dressed like a slut!”

A loud crack makes the already muted room go completely silent, the violent scream coming out of this man’s mouth when his wrist breaks like spaghetti echoing through the room.

“Wrong answer”, the white-haired man purrs.

“Hey, would you mind just taking the trash out?”, the barkeeper questions.

“Did you hear that, dirty boy? Let me show you the way!”

“Are you alright? I didn’t even notice he was harassing you. I’m so sorry”, the bartender speaks out towards you.

“Oh, it’s okay.”

You aren’t even able to give him a real answer, eyes glued on the white-haired man who carries your harasser out like trash.

Like in trance you get back on your feet and follow him out into the cool air of the night.

“Have a nice evening!”, he friendly shouts after the man who sprints down the streets like a coward, as fast away as possible.

“You definitely scared the shit out of him”, you comment.

“He definitely deserved it. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m used to shit like that”, you reply with a huff.

“But normally, they aren’t this disgusting.”

“I hate to hear that. You seem like a genuinely badass and nice person. You didn’t deserve his words.”

“Not as nice as my knight in shining armour who stopped him from touching my boobs.”

He lets out a heartfelt laughter, bright blue orbs set on you.

“Hey, what about me escorting you back home? I’m totally in the mood to beat up any other men who gets in your way.”

“Only if you let me join, though”, you challenge him.

“Definitely a deal. Hey, what’s your name?”

“(y/n)”

“(y/n), huh? Cool name, suits you right? My name’s Gojo Satoru. Nice to meet you.”

He stretches out his hand in front of you, inviting you to take it. You can’t help but smile at his sheer excitement. No, you just have to take his warm hand into yours and shake it.

“Let’s get you home, okay?”

Tags: @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @hellkaiserinphoenix  @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut  @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @tomiokathedepresso  @gojosrealwife  @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi @weebotaku21 @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain  @risuola  @sugurulefttesticle @wordskeeper @baku2345 @polarbvnny @ruixrei @bam-bam-bam-bame-blog @lavenderdrxp @localhehecat @alicerhr @kayleegomez @belovedvamp @wifenanami @chilichopsticks @dlwlrmas-world @oikawarz@darkstarlight82 @satoreo @luwumii @kentocalls @cheesemachine44 @maya-maya-56 @jinririz @getou0309 @ieathairs

Dividers by @saradika 🤍

[fvsm4x]

𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 - 𝟓

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. ex! gojo s. x fem. reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭. Your boyfriend, who you loved more than anything, who was your will to live, broke up with you.

𝐜𝐰. angst / happy ending for reader but not gojo / wc. 4.1k / last chapter / kinda rushed

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5

But it wouldn‘t hurt to give him a second chance, right.?

But as much as you wanted to believe that a second chance could heal the wounds between you, doubt gnawed at the edges of your resolve. The pain he had caused was not something easily forgotten, and the memories of the betrayal still stung like fresh wounds. You had to consider what giving him another chance would mean—not just for your relationship with him, but for your own self-worth, your own sense of dignity.

"Gojo," you began, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside, "you say you want another chance, but can you honestly tell me why? Is it because you've realized what you lost, or because you're afraid of being alone now that she's gone?"

His eyes widened, as if the question had struck a chord deep within him. He struggled to find the right words, his expression a mix of desperation and confusion. "I... I just know that I don't want to lose you. I made a mistake, I see that now. I was stupid, selfish, but I swear, I’ve changed."

"You’ve changed?" you echoed, the skepticism clear in your tone. "How can I trust that? Last time, you promised me the world, only to break me apart when it suited you. How do I know this time won’t be the same?"

Gojo remained silent for a moment, the weight of your words sinking in. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the struggle between his desire to make things right and the reality of the pain he had caused.

"I don’t know how to prove it to you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I want to try. I want to be the person you deserve, the one who won’t hurt you again."

You let out a soft sigh, the tension in your chest making it hard to breathe. His sincerity tugged at your heart, but the scars he had left made it difficult to simply accept his words at face value. You had to think about what was best for you, not just what he wanted.

"Gojo," you said slowly, choosing your words carefully, "I need to understand something. What would be different this time? How do you expect me to believe that you're not just saying these things because you're hurt and vulnerable right now? That you won't just fall back into old habits the moment things get tough?"

He looked down, his hands trembling slightly as they gripped yours tighter. "I’ve learned from my mistakes," he said, his voice laced with determination. "I know I hurt you, and I regret it more than anything. I took you for granted, and I was wrong. I can’t take back what I did, but I want to show you that I can be better—that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved."

The sincerity in his voice was almost enough to break down your defenses. Almost. But the reality of the situation loomed large in your mind. You had been here before, heard these promises before, only to be left shattered in the end.

"Do you really understand what you're asking of me?" you asked, your voice soft but firm. "You're asking me to put my heart on the line again, to risk everything for the chance that you might actually change this time. But what if you don't? What if I let you back in, only to find myself back in this same place a few months from now?"

Gojo's expression faltered, the weight of your words sinking in. He knew you were right—he was asking for a lot, maybe too much. But still, he refused to give up.

"I can't promise that everything will be perfect," he said, his voice raw with emotion. "But I can promise that I’ll fight for us, that I won’t make the same mistakes again. I’ll prove to you that I’m serious this time. Just... please, give me a chance to show you."

Your heart ached at the sight of him, so vulnerable and desperate for your forgiveness. You wanted to believe him, to believe that he could change, that he could become the man you needed him to be. But the fear of getting hurt again was a powerful force, one that you couldn't simply ignore.

"I don't know if I can do this, Gojo," you said, your voice trembling with the weight of the decision before you. "I don't know if I can put myself through this again, not after everything that's happened."

He looked at you with a mix of hope and despair, as if he knew he was teetering on the edge of losing you forever. "Please," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Just one more chance. Let me show you that I can be better."

You closed your eyes, the tears finally spilling over as the emotions you had been holding back crashed over you like a tidal wave. The love you had for him was still there, buried beneath the pain and betrayal, but it was overshadowed by the fear of being hurt again.

Finally, you opened your eyes and met his gaze, your heart heavy with the weight of your decision. "Gojo, I need time," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I can't just jump back into this like nothing happened. I need time to think, to figure out what's best for me."

His face fell, but he nodded, understanding that this was as much as you could give him right now. "I’ll wait," he said, his voice filled with a mix of sadness and determination. "I’ll wait as long as it takes."

With that, you slowly pulled your hand away from his, the warmth of his touch lingering even as you stepped back. The distance between you felt like a chasm, one that might never be bridged again. But for now, it was what you needed—to find your own path, to heal in your own time.

As you turned to walk away, leaving him kneeling there in the cold, you couldn’t help but wonder if you had made the right choice. The future was uncertain, the path ahead filled with doubts and unanswered questions. But one thing was clear: you had to choose yourself this time, even if it meant walking away from the man you once loved.

As you walked away, the echoes of your footsteps reverberating through the quiet night, the weight of your decision settled heavily on your shoulders. Each step felt like an eternity, as if the very air around you was thick with the tension of what had just transpired. The distance between you and Gojo grew, but the connection, the history, and the unresolved emotions hung in the air, clinging to you like a shadow.

You couldn’t help but replay his words over and over in your mind. The desperation in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes—were they enough? Could a person truly change, or was it just wishful thinking? The memories of your time together flooded your mind, both the good and the bad, each moment tinged with the bittersweetness of what once was and what might never be again.

But as you walked further, a different voice began to whisper in the back of your mind, a voice that questioned your own choices, your own feelings. You had been hurt, yes, but was there a part of you that still longed for the love you once shared? Was there still a flicker of hope that things could be different this time, that the man you had loved was still in there, waiting to be rediscovered?

You stopped walking, standing there in the dim light of the streetlamp, your breath visible in the cold night air. The silence was deafening, your thoughts swirling like a storm inside your head. You had asked for time, but the truth was, you didn’t know how much time you would need. The wound was still fresh, the trust still shattered, and yet, beneath all that pain, there was a part of you that wanted to believe in second chances.

What if you were being too harsh? What if, in pushing him away, you were closing the door on something that could be beautiful again? The questions gnawed at you, each one more persistent than the last. Could you really walk away from him, from everything you had built together, without giving him the chance to prove himself? Was it fair to judge him solely on his past mistakes, without considering the possibility that he had learned from them?

As you stood there, lost in thought, the memories of the love you once shared began to resurface. The way he used to look at you, the way his laughter would fill the room, the warmth of his embrace on a cold night—it all felt so distant now, yet so painfully close. You remembered the moments of joy, the times when it felt like nothing in the world could come between you. Those memories were precious, and they weren’t so easily erased by the pain he had caused.

But then, there were the darker memories, the ones that cut deep into your soul. The lies, the betrayal, the feeling of being second best—those wounds were still raw, still bleeding, and the thought of reopening them was terrifying. You had worked so hard to rebuild yourself, to find strength in your own company, to remember who you were without him. Letting him back in meant risking all of that, risking everything you had fought so hard to regain.

A small voice inside you, however, urged you to reconsider. People could change, couldn’t they? Life wasn’t black and white, and relationships were messy, complicated. What if Gojo truly had realized the error of his ways? What if he was genuinely remorseful, ready to make amends and to be the partner you needed him to be?

You shook your head, trying to clear the confusion. You had to be sure, had to know that whatever decision you made, it was the right one for you. Turning around, you saw Gojo still kneeling where you had left him, his form barely visible in the distance. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t given up, even though you had walked away.

Was it really fair to expect him to change? Could you risk your heart again on the mere possibility that things might be different this time?

The truth was, you weren’t ready to forgive him. Not yet, and maybe not ever. The wounds were still too fresh, the scars too deep. Giving him another chance felt like inviting more pain into your life, a pain you weren’t sure you could endure again.

You took a deep breath and forced your feet to move, each step taking you further away from the man you once loved. The night was silent, the only sound was the soft crunch of gravel under your shoes as you walked down the empty street. The distance between you and Gojo grew, but so did the clarity in your mind. You deserved more than empty promises and second chances. You deserved someone who wouldn’t make you question your worth, someone who wouldn’t break your heart over and over again.

.

Gojo remained on his knees long after you had walked away, the chill of the night air seeping into his bones. He stared at the spot where you had stood just moments ago, as if by sheer force of will he could bring you back. But the empty space before him was a harsh reminder that you were gone, that he had lost you once again.

A dull ache settled in his chest, spreading through his entire body as he tried to process what had just happened. He had begged, pleaded, laid his heart bare before you, and yet it hadn’t been enough. You had looked at him with such pain in your eyes, a pain he knew he had caused, and that knowledge cut deeper than any rejection.

He slowly rose to his feet, his legs unsteady beneath him as he tried to regain his composure. The night felt colder now, the darkness more oppressive as he realized how truly alone he was. He had gambled everything on the hope that you might still care, that you might still see the man he was trying to become, but the truth was undeniable—you were done with him. And maybe you were right to be.

As he started walking, his mind replayed every word you had said, every look you had given him. Your voice, so full of hurt and doubt, echoed in his ears, a constant reminder of the mistakes he had made. He had taken you for granted, convinced himself that you would always be there, waiting for him to get his act together. But now, standing in the aftermath of his own selfishness, he realized just how badly he had miscalculated.

Gojo’s footsteps were heavy as he walked back to his own place, the streets eerily quiet. For the first time, he felt the full weight of his actions, the depth of the hurt he had caused not only to you but to himself. He had ruined something beautiful, something that might never be repaired, and the regret was almost too much to bear.

He reached his apartment and fumbled with his keys, his hands shaking slightly as he unlocked the door. The silence inside was deafening, the emptiness of the space mirroring the emptiness he felt within. He collapsed onto the couch, burying his face in his hands as the reality of the situation washed over him.

He had wanted so desperately to make things right, to prove to you that he had changed, but deep down, he knew it wasn’t that simple. Change wasn’t just about saying the right words or making promises—it was about action, about becoming a better person, and that was something he hadn’t truly grasped until now. He had hurt you, deeply, and no amount of pleading could erase that.

The truth settled heavily on his shoulders: he had lost you, maybe for good this time. And the worst part was, he had no one to blame but himself. He had played with your heart, made you question your worth, and now he was paying the price. The realization that he might never have another chance with you, that you might move on and find someone who would treat you the way you deserved, was almost too painful to bear.

But as he sat there in the darkness, Gojo knew that this was his moment of reckoning. He could no longer hide from the consequences of his actions. If he truly wanted to change, it had to start now—with or without you. He had to learn to be a better person, not just for you, but for himself. And if that meant letting you go, if that meant accepting that you might never forgive him, then so be it.

.

Weeks had passed since that night, but for Gojo, it felt like a lifetime. The days blurred together, a monotonous cycle of work, training, and sleepless nights. He threw himself into his duties, trying to drown out the memories of you, but nothing seemed to work. Every quiet moment was filled with thoughts of you—your laughter, your smile, the way your eyes had softened when you looked at him, before everything had fallen apart.

He hadn’t tried to contact you since that night. He knew better than to push, to force himself back into your life when you had made it clear that you needed space. Instead, he focused on himself, trying to understand where he had gone wrong, trying to become the man he had promised he would be. But no matter how much he tried to move forward, the emptiness where you used to be haunted him.

One chilly afternoon, Gojo found himself wandering aimlessly through the city streets, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he watched the world go by. It was one of those rare days when he had no obligations, no missions or responsibilities to distract him from his thoughts. The city was bustling with life, people rushing past him with purpose, but he felt disconnected from it all, as if he were watching from a distance.

As he walked, he turned a corner and stopped in his tracks. There you were, just a few steps ahead, standing at the entrance of a cozy little café. For a moment, his heart leapt at the sight of you, his mind racing with the possibility of speaking to you, of seeing how you were doing after all this time. But before he could take a step, he noticed that you weren’t alone.

Standing beside you was a man—tall, with dark hair and a warm smile that reached his eyes. He was holding your hand, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles as you both laughed at something he had said. The sound of your laughter, so light and carefree, pierced through Gojo’s chest like a dagger. It was the same laugh he had fallen in love with, the one he had thought he might never hear again.

Gojo’s breath caught in his throat as he watched the two of you. There was an ease between you and the man, a comfort that spoke of familiarity, of something more than just a passing connection. The man leaned in closer, and you responded with a soft smile, one that Gojo knew all too well. It was the kind of smile that came from genuine happiness, from feeling safe and cherished.

He felt his heart constrict, a mix of emotions swirling inside him—regret, jealousy, sadness. But most of all, there was a deep, aching sense of loss. He had known this day might come, that you would eventually move on and find someone who could give you the love and security you deserved. But knowing it and seeing it were two different things, and the reality of it hit him harder than he had expected.

Gojo stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to tear his eyes away from you. He knew he should leave, walk away before you noticed him, but something kept him there, some part of him that needed to see this, to accept that you were no longer his.

As you and the man turned to enter the café, Gojo’s eyes met yours for the briefest of moments. Time seemed to freeze as recognition flickered in your gaze. There was a flash of surprise, quickly followed by something else—something softer, perhaps understanding or even sympathy. But you didn’t stop, didn’t call out to him. You simply gave him a small, polite nod before turning away,

As the door of the café closed behind you, Gojo hesitated for a moment, debating whether to follow you inside. He knew he should just walk away, let you enjoy your time with the man who clearly made you happy. But something stronger than reason pushed him forward. The unresolved tension between you gnawed at him, a silent torment that demanded closure.

With a deep breath, Gojo pushed open the door to the café, the small bell above it chiming softly as he stepped inside. The warm scent of coffee and baked goods filled the air, and the soft hum of conversation surrounded him. He quickly scanned the room, spotting you at a table near the window, the man still by your side.

You noticed him immediately, your eyes widening slightly in surprise as he approached. The man beside you looked up, clearly sensing the change in your demeanor, but remained silent, his expression polite but questioning.

Gojo stopped a few feet from your table, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he struggled to find the right words. He felt the weight of the moment pressing down on him, the significance of what he was about to say looming large in his mind.

"Can we talk for a minute?" he asked, his voice low and tentative, trying not to intrude too much on your moment with the other man.

You hesitated, glancing at the man beside you. He gave you a small, understanding nod, standing up to give you space. "I'll be right over there," he said softly, before stepping away to another part of the café.

Once he was out of earshot, you turned your attention back to Gojo, your expression guarded but not unkind. "Gojo, what do you want?" you asked quietly, your tone not accusatory but rather cautious, as if you were bracing yourself for whatever he might say.

He took a deep breath, struggling to meet your eyes. "I just... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For everything. For the way I treated you, for the way I made you feel. I know I can’t undo the past, but I need you to know that I regret it all, deeply."

You looked at him, your expression softening slightly at his words, but there was still a distance in your gaze, a wall that hadn’t been there before. "Gojo," you began, your voice gentle but firm, "I appreciate you saying that. I really do. But what’s done is done. We can’t go back and change what happened. We both know that."

He nodded, swallowing hard against the lump forming in his throat. "I know," he said, his voice cracking slightly. "I just… I wish things could have been different. That I could’ve been better for you."

A small, sad smile tugged at the corners of your lips. "Maybe in another life," you said softly, your words like a bittersweet melody that hung in the air between you. "Maybe in another life, we were meant to be. But in this one…"

You trailed off, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The unspoken truth between you was palpable—no matter how much either of you wished it could be different, the damage had been done. The love you once shared was irreparably broken, and no amount of apologies could fix it.

Gojo felt a sharp pain in his chest, the finality of your words cutting through him like a blade. He had known, deep down, that this was how it would end, but hearing it from you made it all the more real.

"I understand," he murmured, his voice barely audible as he looked down at the floor. "I just… I hope you find the happiness you deserve."

You reached out then, gently touching his arm, the gesture both comforting and heartbreaking. "I hope you do too, Gojo," you whispered, your voice filled with a kind of tenderness that he hadn’t heard from you in a long time. "Take care of yourself."

He looked up at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and acceptance. He knew this was goodbye—not just for now, but for the life you might have had together. It was the kind of parting that left an indelible mark on his soul, a reminder of what could have been.

With a heavy heart, Gojo nodded, turning to leave the café. As he walked away, he didn’t look back, knowing that doing so would only make it harder to let go. The door closed behind him, the cool air outside hitting him like a wake-up call. He stood there for a moment, trying to steady his breathing, trying to process the finality of what had just happened.

Inside, you watched him leave, your heart heavy but resolute. There was a part of you that would always care for Gojo, that would always wonder what might have been. But you knew, deep down, that you had made the right choice. Sometimes, love wasn’t enough to bridge the gap that had grown between two people. Sometimes, the kindest thing you could do was let go.

As you turned back to your table, the man who had been with you returned, concern etched on his face. He didn’t ask what had happened—he didn’t need to. He simply took your hand in his, offering silent support as you both sat down together.

Gojo walked down the street, the sun beginning to set, casting long shadows on the pavement. The ache in his chest was still there, but so was a strange sense of peace. You had found your path, and now, he had to find his own. And maybe, just maybe, in another life, things would have been different. But in this one, it was time to move on.

End

© fvsm4x 2023/4 : do not translate, plagiarise or steal my work.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH THIS STORY\(^ヮ^)/ new gojo series soon<33

[motherlvr]

can you write something grumpy!42miles x sunshine!reader? where he’s always kinda mean but cares about her but they end up together

this prompt is so cute tysm for the req!!

Word count: About 1,600

Pairing: Grumpy Earth-42! Miles Morales x Sunshine! f! reader

Summary: The line between just classmates and something more is thin. Miles and You seemed to be walking that line.

Warnings: (begrudgingly) friends to lovers, he's a bit mean, fluff, minimal cursing, classmates to lovers, pure fluff, cannot contain the fluff, reader is a little slow, this is short and cute, spanish grammar is not my strong suit

A/N: if i haven't gotten to your request yet, its still a wip but will be posted soon!

_________

You were boisterously laughing. Obnoxiously, even. The guy’s joke wasn’t even that funny.

Miles called your name out with an aggravated tone,

"Would it kill you to shut up for a second?"

You promptly responded, "Would it kill you to lighten up for once?"

He regrets not skipping this class.

That was partially a lie. In reality, he didn’t care for this class at all. He only came to see you. You were one of the few people who put up with him.

Miles and you always sat together during class. "Unassigned assigned seats", you'd call it. But that’s all you were. Seat partners. That was the way it was, and the way it would stay. And he was fine with that, at least he tried to convince himself.

The next day, the seat next to Miles was empty. It hasn’t been empty since the first day you met.

If you asked Miles how you both met, he’d say you forced your way into his life. However, you’d say that you saw through his “cold guy” facade and he opened up his heart to you. He was a good guy if you had the patience. That was only one of the many things he admired about you. Your optimism.

He saw you across the room. You were sitting with someone else. A guy. What was his name again? Miles couldn't recall. That was how irrelevant he was to Miles.

"Is this seat taken?" Miles looked up to the voice that had spoken, hoping it was somehow you. However, as he glanced up, an unfamiliar face was staring at him.

"Nah." He muttered, not sparing her another look.

She introduced herself and told Miles her name, but he wasn't listening. He was listening to your laugh. How could he not? Your laugh was practically drowning out every other voice in the room. At least, that’s how he perceived it.

You were giggling at whatever the guy next to you said. But this time, he wished it was him making you laugh. That guy didn't deserve to hear you laugh, or see you smile.

He couldn't stand your laugh unless he was the cause of it. Miles didn’t pay attention to the lesson that day. He was occupied staring daggers into your back. Yet you never noticed.

You sat next to Miles the day after, as usual. It was an unspoken agreement, and you had broken it the day prior.

Immediately as you sat down, Miles started interrogating you.

"You left me with some random girl to go flirt with that moron? He's a dick." He scoffed at you, nodding his head towards the guy that you left him for yesterday.

Right, like you're not. You thought. "He's really not, he's a good guy!" You defended him and continued, "Plus, your partner was super smart. She was probably more help than I could’ve been.”

"Ella no es tú. What else can I say, ma?" Miles casually said.

You tried to hide your grin but failed as a smile spread across your face. The corner of his lip curled in a small smirk. If you blinked, you would have missed it.

"I’m sorry for 'leaving you', Miles. But don’t worry, I prefer you over him anyway." You smiled brightly at him. And for a second, his stoic heart gleamed.

"I wasn't worried." He grumbled.

"You sure? I mean, whatever you say.” You grinned amusedly at him.

The rest of the class period followed as usual. But this time, before the bell rang, Miles bottled up his dignity to ask you, "Ay ma, wanna hang out after school?"

You raised a skeptical brow at his unusual behavior, "What, you starting to like me now? I thought you couldn't tolerate me." You probed.

Oblivious to you, he does more than just tolerate you. He was growing fond of your presence. He was starting to miss the sound of your giggle echoing within the room when he wasn’t around you.

But he couldn't find the courage to tell you just yet. Instead, he murmured, "I can tolerate you. Out of most of these people in here, anyway."

"I'm kidding. Yeah, I'm down, Miles." You teased him and agreed.

What you didn't know is that your initial question wasn't very far from the truth.

The school day couldn’t have passed any slower. If you were being honest, you were eagerly anticipating spending more time with Miles out of school.

The final bell of the day rang, and Miles held up to his side of the agreement. He met up with you after school.

Walking side-by-side, you asked, "What've you got planned for us today, Miles? You gonna wine and dine me?" you winked at him.

"Maybe another day, mami." He cracked a slight grin as he responded, fond of your antics.

"I'll hold you to that. I've got a better idea, anyway." You said as you heard a familiar song ringing through the atmosphere.

You yanked Miles by his arm and pulled him, "Look, an ice cream truck! I haven't seen one of those in forever. Let's go!"

A rare smile adorned Miles' face. Not that you saw it. You were too busy chasing after the ice cream truck and dragging him along.

You approached the ice cream truck. The ice cream man greeted you, "Hey guys! What can I get for you today?"

Without missing a beat, you said "Hello! Can I get the Spongebob popsicle please?" with a bright smile.

Miles ordered his right after you. "Coming right up!" The ice cream man said. He shortly returned with both your orders in hand.

As you tried to give the owner cash, Miles lowered your hand gently and said, "Let me pay for you." It was more of a demand as he handed cash to the man.

You couldn't contain the surprise that formed on your face. "Really? Thank you, Miles! You didn't have to do that, y’know." You reached up to him and peppered a kiss on his cheek as a token of gratitude. "Nah, I wanted to." He dismisses it with a shrug.

The man gave you both your ice creams and said, "Have a good day!"

"Young love. A beautiful thing to see." The owner of the truck said as you both walked away.

You both sat on a bench surrounded by a garden of blooming flowers. It was quite scenic for Brooklyn. "Miles, look. He only has one eye!" You chuckled as you showed him your popsicle.

Unbeknownst to you, you had ice cream smeared on your face. He leaned in to wipe the corner of your mouth with his thumb, his gaze lingering on your lips. An almost too-intimate action for people who were just "classmates." But you brushed it off as him being friendly for a change.

"You're a mess, mami." He chuckled, shaking his head at you. You ignored how he made your stomach do flips.

Miles had led you to a rooftop that he frequents. It had an incredible view of the sun, despite all the tall buildings encased around you two.

Miles and you spent the rest of the evening together, basking in the presence of one another. You conversed for hours, only realizing the time when the sun started to set. Comfortable moments of silence were exchanged as you watched the sun disappear from the sky, the moon soon replacing it.

“It’s a full moon, isn’t it just beautiful?” You admired the moon as it shone down on the sullen streets of Brooklyn.

"Yeah, It is." He replied, but he wasn't looking at the moon. If you had just turned your head, you'd realize the true meaning of his words. He hadn't even noticed the moon. His eyes were fixated on you instead. He believed that the moon couldn't even hold a candle to you.

"Why haven't we done this before, Miles? I enjoyed hanging out with you today." You felt harmonious with him for once, laying your head against his shoulder as you studied his face.

"I did too, princesa. Maybe I will just wine and dine you someday." Miles said with a smirk, gazing down into your eyes with a borderline smitten expression.

A lightbulb suddenly enlightened your brain. You mentally banged your head against a wall. How could you be so naive to not realize it sooner?

You broke the tension in the air and raised your head to look into his eyes. "Is this a date? You know, people that are 'just' classmates don't go on dates." You told him cheekily.

Could he not have made it more obvious? He paused for a moment and said, “I don’t want to be just classmates.”

“So you want to be best friends? Great! Me too." You grinned, feigning naivety.

His face immediately dropped as he facepalmed himself. "Dios mío, no. That's not what I meant. Never mind, olvídalo." He said, shaking his head.

You beamed at him and laced your fingers with his. “I’m just messing with you, Miles. I like you too. In case you haven't noticed."

He sighed of relief as he lifted your entwined hands to press a soft kiss to the back of your hand. You stayed in each other's embrace for the rest of the night.

From that day forward, you never broke the unspoken agreement ever again. And Miles never had to worry about you associating with another douche again. Excluding himself.

You walked into class hand-in-hand the next day. The following days, as well. That's the way it was, and that's the way it would stay. And both of you were content with that.

_________

ella no es tú - she's not you

dios mío - my god

olvídalo - forget it

princesa - princess

[samkerrworshipper]

las 15.

mapi leon x reader, alexia putellas x reader (platonic)

warnings: the spanish federation ick

erm look at me posting something 😮 anyways enjoy haha i kinda hate it but need to feed yall somehow

“You need to be aware of the consequences of what could happen if you sign this document.”

You stared down at the mahogany surface of your lawyers desk, it was dark, sanded, smooth and shiny. Contemporary, but it also looked old, like a heirloom. It distracted your from the non stop drawl.

“I don’t care, I’m signing it.”

Your eyes travelled along the surface, lookinbg at the different waves of wood and the way that the dark colours marbled together.

“The RFEF could come for you, they could try and take your license. You might not compete at the world cup, the press will come for you, Vilda will come for you, Barca could reduce your playing time, it could be the end of your career. There are other negatives.”

You’ve thought about all of them of course, how could you not?

“I’ve already said it, I don’t care. Let them come for me, let them do whatever they want. I am done with it all. Fourteen other players have signed it, no? I will be the fifteenth and that is final.”

You weren’t a big fan of your lawyer, he was old and money oriented. He also didn’t have your best interest in mind, his sole focus was earning you as much money as possible, which had been fine up until today.

“So what? You plan to be the best in the world and never play international football again? This will ruin your career, it will put an end to the Ballon D’or campaign, it will change things for you, you can’t just do this because your girlfriend does it as well, this will be detrimental for you.”

The wood grooved at the edges, flattening out and curving so the edges weren’t too sharp.

“I refuse to stand by and submit myself to abuse. That’s what happens every time I go to that place, every time I go to camp I submit myself to abuse, torture, horrific conditions. The fact that you would even dare imply that I would do this for anybody but myself is preposterous. I am better than the condition I am being subkmitted to, I deserve better than to be objectified and treated as if I am dirt on that man’s shoe and I refuse to be treated as such. I have standards for myself and the people around me and I refuse to live by these for much longer. I’ll draft up the letter, I’ll send it to you for editing purposes and once your done you will send it to the RFEF, consequences be damned. You should be glad that I lasted two more windows then everyone else, honestly I’m ashamed that I didn’t do this earlier, but I’m ready to take a stand with everybody else now. I don’t want to play in a World Cup if it means this is how I will live my life.”

You looked up at your lawyer, hoping the fire burning in your soul was reflective in your eyes.

“This is a bad decision, you are thinking with your heart and not your head, this is unlike you.”

You pulled your eyes from the mahogany, standing up from your seat slowly.

“No, I’m thinking with my own interests, not yours, not my managers, not my bank accounts. I’m thinking with my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. For the first time in my life I am taking time to focus on myself, so tyeah maybe it’s unlike me, but I’d like to think this might be the a better version of me, I’ll email you my letter, all you havr to do is forward it, if it’s such a struggle don’t even bother reading it, I don’t care what you have to say, I’m legally obligated to make you aware of any contractual issues so here I am. Give a fuck, don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t change anything for me, I’ve made my decision and nothing or nobody will make me change my mind.”

You didn’t wait around to hear what he planned to say in rebuttal, exiting the stuffy office as quickly as your legs would allow.

You made it to your car before you felt the tears flooding down your face. Even now, even after you’d tried to speak out you still felt like you were being silenced, like nothing had changed. That’s why you were doing what you were doing, why you knew this was what you needed to do. It didn’t make it any easier though, knowing that no matter what choices you made, even if they were for the good of you there were still going to be people around you who condemned them.

You were supposed to be at training, but you’d taken the day of to finalise all this bullshit. It was frustrating, knowing that the choices you were making for the good of yourself could end up being harmful to your career in a multitude of ways, it was all so fucking hard.

Everybody was at training, and yet here you were balling your eyes out in the carpark of your stupid fucking lawyers office.

If you hadn’t hit rock bottom at the last camp, the this was it, this was your final straw.

It was all too much, you’d been holding out for too long, but the mixture of the other 14 girls refusing to come back and Alexia’s injury had been enough of a motivation for Vilda to try and ruin your life. It had started with extra training after your sessions, then sessions in the mornings, then separating you from the rest of the team, limiting your diet, gym sessions, changing your schedules to everybody elses, punishing you for nothing, treating you like you were a slave to the Spanish Women’s team.

You were the best midfielder they had, excluding Alexia, and she was hurt, you were the scapegoat for the team, you were responsible for the wins and the reason for the losses.

You knew that with your leave, somebody else would end up taking your role, probably Aitana who was far to young to deal with that kind of pain, and you felt bad, you felt more guilty than you thought possible, but you couldnt do it for any longer, you couldn’t act like it wasn’t killing you on the inside for every second that you spent away with those people.

You hated it, you hated feeling like nothing, you hated feeling worthless, you hated living your life like it was pointless, you couldn’t do it for any longer, not when you were giving up every single part of yourself to keep yourself together.

You couldn’t stay how you were, crying in the drivers seat of your car milling over the memories of your last camp, you needed to leave, needed to go somewhere, needed to talk somebody.

Before you really knew what you were doing you’d started driving, letting the tears drip onto your lap and the steering wheel as you frantically drove your way through the city.

You couldn’t be alone, but you also couldn’t handle all the eyes of your teammates, so you drove to the one other place that you could think of where you hoped somebody would be.

You tried your hardest to wipe the tears from your face, but they kept falling, the sleeve of your shirt getting damper by the second as you tried to wipe up the evidence of your breakdown. It was useless, and eventually you gave up, stepping out of your car and ducking your head as you walked towards the lift and navigated your way through the apartment building.

The person you were looking for didn’t answer the door, instead you were put face to face with Olga.

“Hola chica, Ale didn’t tell me she was expecting visitors.”

You bit down on your lip, tapping your foot against the floor as you peeked around Olga, searching for the person you were seeking out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her, I can go home, I know she’s been busy with her rehab, I don’t even know how I ended up here.”

Olga tugged at your arm before you could spit anything else out, tugging you through the door and closing it from behind you.

“Nonsense chica, you’re very welcome here, Alexia is sitting out on the balcony doing her exercises, she’ll be more than happy to have your company, just head on through, your always welcome here.”

You nodded at Olga, smiling at her as much as you could with your lip still stuck between your teeth.

“Thank you, thank you so much, I really appreciate.”

You tried to ignore the tears that were still dripping down your face, it didn’t feel like you were crying, even though you were, it more felt like you were shedding a layer of yourself, the layer that was holding all of the trauma that you’d been holding in, like it was your way of getting rid of it all.

Alexia’s apartment was meticulously clean as ever, but you spotted her out in the sun easily.

She was standing outside, in a pose similar to ones you did in your yoga sessions.

She looked at peace, like she was calm, like she was serene, the complete polar opposite to how you felt and you really didn’t want to burden her with your problems, but you were here now anyways.

You tiptoed over to the glass sliding door, pushing it open, causing Alexia’s head to peak up at you. She looks at you with curiosity, but doesn;t move, instead her head nods you towards one of the outdoor lounges beside her, which you beeline for.

She stays in her position as she addresses you.

“The appointment with your lawyer didn’t go well then?”

You did a double take as you stared at Alexia, shocked at the information she’d somehow managed to obtain.

“You don’t take me for a idiota do you? Mapi told me you had a appointment you were keeping quiet about this morning, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out who it must have been with, considering recent events. Although your girlfriend wasn’t smart enough to work it out herself.”

Alexia stayed in her stretch, looking at you as if to prompt you to tell her more.

“Yes, I had a appointment with my lawyer, Alexia.”

Alexia smirked to herself, she was one of the most obersvanet people you knew, nothing got by her, you weren’t all that surprised to find out that this hadn’t.

“You’ll be joining the group then?”

You hadn’t really comes to terms with it, let alone saying it out loud.

“That’s the plan, should be official by tomorrow.”

Tears were still dripping down your face, you couldn’t find yourself caring though.

“Good for you. You deserve better, we all deserve better, may we all hopefully make a change.”

Alexia wasn’t officially a part of the movement, but she was everyway besides a signature as equally involved as everybody else.

“It just feels like i’m letting the team down, that I’m letting everyone down.”

Alexia nodded at you, finally coming out of her stretch and walking over to sit down next to you.

“You’re doing what’s good for you chica, your doing something that is going to make you happier, that is going to make your life better. Nobody else matters beyond that, trust me.”

Alexia looked at you, like she was genuinely struggling to help you out in the moment. She had been your mentor at Barca for forever, you seeked out her advice more than anybody elses, especially in this moment.

“I don’t know how to do it anymore, it’s like he was trying to ruin my fucking life, like his whole purpose for everyday was to make my life a living hell, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t walk around camp acting like it was fine, I couldn’t smile at cameras and talk to the press and tell them about how great I was feeling when it was all lies, all I wanted to do was leave, or sleep, or die, all because of his and his staff. They were hardly feeding me, hardly letting me sleep, hardly giving me a break and expecting me to perform at the same level as everybody else, if not better. I just couldn’t do it anymore Ale, it was too much.”

Alexia’s arm placed itself on your knee, squeezing your covered skin.

“You shouldn’t have to, you needed to leave and you did, you made the right decision chica, you made a impossible decision that will make your life 100 times easier, it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you so incredibly brave for being able to identify that you were being treated wrongly and that you needed to remove yourself from that space.”

The tears kept falling, your pants were slowly becoming soaked with the raw emotion.

“Mapi did it because of the abuse, because she had a legitimate reason, I’m leaving because they worked me a little bit harder than everybody else, it feels like I’m overreacting.”

You could feel Alexia rolling her eyes from beside you.

“Really? Has Mapi told you that?”

Mapi had told you that you deserved the world, you deserved everything you wanted, you deserved to be treated like a queen, not how the RFEF was treating you. She’d told you the decision was yours, that she would support you no matter what you did, but she’d also told you that after every camp you came back with a little bit less of yourself, that Vilda was stripping parts of you away to use at his mercy.

“It’s not the same thing, Patri, Pina, Mapi, they all have good reasons, they’ve all been hurt, Vilda is just trying to make me better, trying to make me worthy.”

Alexia’s hand squeezed tighter.

“You’re lying to yourself and you know it. As long as he is in charge, you aren’t going to get treated how you deserve, none of us are. We’ve all paid our dues, yet they don’t give a shit, they break us all down until we’ve got nothing left to give. They broke me down until I did my acl, if you hadn’t of left they would have done the same to you. It’s nonstop, even if it isn’t the same kind of abuse as Mapi, it’s still abuse, they still rip out every part of you in the process. Each time you come back you have less of yourself to offer, but they keep taking, and taking, they make us feel nothing. It’s a waste, it’s a waste of the wonderful life we’ve all been gifted. We deserve to be happy, we deserve to be free of the pain.”

You nodded your head, you’d been avoiding telling Mapi about all of this. You were conscious that she was still working through a lot of her own trauma, and you didn’t want to reopen scars that were only just beginning to heal.

“I don’t know what to do Ale, I sign the papers, I write the letters and I’m taking a stand, I’m trying to make a change. I stay, I wreck it all, but I keep my career. It feels like I’m at a crossroads with myself, and I can’t talk about it weith Maps because god forbid shes already been through enough with her own struggle through it all, she doesn’t need me on top of that.”

Alexia stood back up, getting back onto her mat and pushing herself into another stretch, all whilst she maintained eye contact with you.

“Mapi’s talked to you about her struggles, si? She’s burdening you with her own problems, yet it doesn’t feel that way, because you love her and you’d do anything to make her pain less. I guarantee she’d feel the exact same way. You’ve been through a lot, none of us will ever be able to completely comprehend what you’ve been through, but if you started talking to your loved ones about it we’d be able to support you better. Or a therapist, I know Barca has been giving you sessions, but I mean a real psychologist, not just a person who tells you that you need a day off. You need somebody to help you, to actually make you feel like you deserve better than how they treated you, because I know that you know that but I don’t think you really believe it.”

The tears were slowly coming to a standstill, slipping less frequently down your face as Alexia talked to you.

“I don’t want to make her hurt any more than she already has.”

Alexia just looked at you, with that double eyebrow raise and little crinkle in her forehead.

“If you think that Maria wouldn’t do anything for you, even if it meant sucking every single inch of pain from your body and putting it into hers, she would do it and she would do it with a smile on her face. Her whole world, her whole solar system revolves around you and she’d want you to talk to her about this. She knows better than anybody else what you’re experiencing, she’s literally been where you are, so why not talk to her about it?”

It was true, for as long as Mapi and you had been together she’d tried to fix every single thing, she would do anything to make you feel better, this didn’t feel the same though.

“She deserves to live in a world where Vilda, where the RFEF, don’t affect her anymore. She signed the petition, she’s cleaned her hands of it all, and I should have done it with her, but I didn’t. I chose to keep playing for the benefit of my career, because I was greedy and decided that a Ballon D’or and any kind of accolade I was a shot at was more important then taking a stand and I hate it. I hate that now that I’ve won things that suddenly it’s all hit me that I don’t like what’s been happening, and I don’t want to support it. Mapi doesn’t deserve to go through it a second time, all because I was greedy.”

Alexia switched sides on her stretch, the sun was radiating off of her olive skin and her blonde hair, she looked ethereal.

“Have you told her anything about it?”

Alexia was frowning, like she was shocked by your actions.

“She knows that I was struggling at camp, she told me I was welcome to talk to her. After the last one she knew something had changed, she told me she was worried and I shook her off, because I thought she was being overprotective, but she was right, she had reason to be worried, I wasn’t okay. I’m not okay, i don’t know how to process it all.”

Alexia nodded.

“Go home, tell her what’s happening, see what she says, I think it’ll be a lot better than whatever you’ve thought up. Mapi has been my bestfriend for years, she’s dated my sister, she’s dated my friends and I can confidently tell you that she loves you more than any of them, you’re her do or die, all she’ll want to do is support you, please just go and talk to her.”

Alexia looked at you with such conviction and honesty that you couldn’t find it in you to try and fight her on the topic.

“Thank you Ale, I needed this, I needed to talk to somebody, needed to feel less crazy.”

Alexia did one last stretch before standing up, pulling you into a tight hug before you could pull away.

“You’re not crazy chica, you’re going through a very real, very hard time, and you deserve to have the people around you show you how much they love you.”

Alexia let go of you, shoving you back towards the door.

“Go talk to your girl, and sign those papers, and be happy, enjoy life, enjoy peace. You deserve it, chica.”

You nodded into Alexia’s shoulder, letting go of her and slipping back into her apartment, leaving her to get back to her stretching.

You shivered when you spotted Mapi’s car already parked in her spot. You knew you’d be cutting it close with getting home earlier then her, but you’d held a silent hope that you would be the first home. You hesitated to exit your car, scared of what the inside of your apartment held. You weren’t scared so much, more a little bit tentative of the conversation that you were about to have, knowing that it could majorly impact your relationship. In your heart, you knew that Mapi would love you no matter what, but it didn’t calm the nerves inside of you as you pulled your keys from the ignition, pulled out the papers that your lawyer had given you and exited your car.

The whole walk from your car, to the elevator and then down the hallway to your apartment had your heart thrumming inside of your chest. Your hands were quite literally shaking as you pushed your key into the door.

You toed your shoes off at the door, slotting them down beside the door before slowly walking your way through the entrance. It wasn’t hard to find Mapi, she was right in front of you, sitting down at the island bench, patting Bagheera and eating a post training salad. You knew that there was one meant for you still sitting on the shelf of your fridge, from when the two of you had meal planned yesterday. She looked so undisturbed, with the afternoon light coming in through the gaps in the blinds and the general silence that you were about to break.

You announce yourself by slinging your bag down against the wall, a loud enough noise that seems to wake Mapi from her happy daze.

She smiles as soon as her eyes set on you and it only makes the weight in your gut feel ten times heavier and the pain in your heart ten times worse.

You wanted to turn around and walk right back out the door you’d just walked through, but you couldn’t, not with the way that Mapi looked at you, like her whole day had been made by your appearance.

“Hola bebita, how was your meeting?”

Mapi’s smiling ear to ear, quite literally, you swear you can see every single one of her teeth. It had hurt you to lie to Mapi about where you were going today, telling her that you’d had a crucial appointment with your manager about some media things, it wasn’t a direct lie. You had met with your manager, instead of it being positive though, it had been quite the opposite.

You didn’t have any words to reiterate to Mapi, so instead you just picked up the papers that were tucked away in your hands and placed them down on the island infront of her.

Mapi looked at you with confusion for a few seconds.

“Just read them, you’ll understand it more once you have.”

Mapi didn’t hesitate, picking up the first piece of paper and scanning over it, before moving onto the second, then the third and so on, till she’d made it through the entire stack.

You stood anxiously on your toes the whole time, balancing from one foot to the other as you contemplated how Mapi was going to reply to this sudden change.

When she did finish, she looked up at you, a lot of questions hidden behind her curious eyes.

“I’m resigning, or requesting they don’t call me up. I don’t want to play for a federation that doesn’t care about me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, but I wasn’t ready and I’m sorry I’m bother you with it now but I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about it earlier, I met with my lawyer for the first time today to sign the documents and write my statement. If it all goes to plan then they should be out in the next week. I don’t want to do it anymore, I can’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.”

Mapi blinked a few times, like you’d just blindsided her completely, and you figured you had.

“I didn’t even really know it was happening until after last camp, and I just realised that I was so exhausted and so tired and so sick of it all that I couldn’t do it again. I should have done it earlier, I should have been a part of it all from the start but I was scared and I still am scared Maps. This is supposed to be my job, I’m supposed to be grateful for the opportunities I’m given and yet I feel like I’m a fraud and I’m lying when I say that because I’m not grateful and I’m not happy and I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t. I’ve been praying every night that I get injured, so that I get a break like Ale, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”

Mapi just stood up and pulled you into her arms, silencing the rambling and making you realise that you were now crying again.

She slowly led you towards the couch, bringing you into her arms as you tried to take control of yourself.

It felt like every piece of anguish, every piece of fear, every piece of internal hatred was slowly being pulled from your body and it felt so good, like you were somehow being healed.

Mapi wiated until you were coherent enough, until you felt more resurfaced, and less like the bloodn was rushing through your ears and every though of self-doubt was spirally through the different ridges of your brain.

“Princesa, you’ve made this decision for you, si? Not because of me, not because of anybody else, because you believe this is best for you?”

You nodded into her chest, enjoying the feeling of your own skin pressed directly to hers.

“I’m sick of them making me feel this way Maps, I don’t like it, I don’t think it’s right.”

Mapi’s body was surrounding you, her scent, her feel, her everything, and it was all you’d needed today, everything that Alexia had assured you would make you feel better.

Mapi’s salad was forgotten on the counter.

Bagheera was somewhere else.

It was just the two of you, just the two of you to face everything.

“We’re put into boxes, as women, men try to make us be everything and yet nothing. It’s not right, we’re expected to be as good as the men, but we have to behave eloquently, say our pleases and thank yous and never be ungrateful for the piss poor conditions we put up with. We’re supposed to be passionate, but we’re not allowed to over react in any way. We can only underperform, not overperform. There are no expectations for us, because we’re women and we’re supposed to be worse than the men, but they’re are also so many expectations for us to meet. It’s okay for you to be done with that, there is nothing wrong with you saying no to constantly being abused. You’re not a fraud bebita and I’m here for you no matter what. You’re my girlfriend first, a person second and a soccer player last. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters, you matter, you’re feelings and how you feel is what matters.”

Mapi’s hand pulled your head from her neck, her lips connecting with your forehead with ease.

“I’m not doing it anymore Maps. I want to be strong, I want to say no. I want to be a part of the right side of history. I don’t want to sit around pretending everything’s fine when it’s not fine. It’s nowhere near fine and until there is a change it won’t be.”

Mapi nodded, pressing a series of kisses to your forehead.

“Then we’ll work it out, you’ll keep me in the loop and we’ll figure it out together, no more hiding these big feelings from me. We’ll go and see our therapists and take soe time off and do whatever you need to feel safe and happy, because what matters is you, nobody else, si?”

You nodded your head once again, enjoying the same smile that her face was covered in. her lips migrated down to your cheeks, pressing kisses to the rosiest parts, pushing the tears away.

“I’ve got you bebita, we’ve got each other, we’re going to be fine, we all are.”

[damiansgoodgirll]

OK I found it! (No rush what’s so ever BUT!)

(During Roman’s tribal chief era.)

!Female Reader always had a crush on Roman, but was always too scared to ask him out.

One night during a match Kevin Owens costs her the match, (kinda like how Dom cost Raquel that one time) (you can pick between who ever is on the smackdown roster to have reader up against but it’s also not really required if you don’t want to.)

And basically the bloodline, mainly Roman goes to readers rescue, cause beef with Kevin.

(I know it’s not really…LIKE Roman to do something like that because he’s the tribal chief, but I feel like it would be a nice concept idea.)

Idk just fluff and adorable and what ever cause Roman… LMAO.

sorry it took me so long writing this but i’ve never written for roman and i had no idea on how to start 😭 i hope you like it + the timeline doesn’t really exist here lol

roman reigns x reader

likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated

‼️nothing major, hurt/comfort, angry roman, some fluff too, kevin owens is mean here sorry

my weakness

everyone loved roman. yes, he played the big mean guy part and he was definitely good at it but deep down you knew that he cared. he cared for his family, his cousins, the fans, he even cared about his opponents while in the ring. deep down you knew he had a big heart and he was a kind person who pretended to be the bad one.

and maybe it was because of his big mean yet kind personality you caught feelings for him.

it’s not that you were big friends - you had a closer relationship with the usos and your shy personality made it harder for you to get to know him better.

but there were times when you and roman spent some time alone. at the gym, training before a big match or backstage, his presence was nice and even if you didn’t speak much, you enjoyed being around him even if the only present sound was the silence.

unbeknownst to you, roman always admired you. he adored your quite presence. when everyone was noisy around him, he found comfort in your silence. your presence was enough for him.

and his admiration for you didn’t go unnoticed backstage but everyone kept quiet, too scared the tribal chief would get mad if someone said something and they know better to not upset him.

all the locker room knew about that. the saw how roman was nice in your presence but mean with everyone else and even if it made you laugh, you never thought more about that.

even if you had no real beef with anymore backstage, somehow kevin picked you as a main target just to made roman even angrier.

it was going all good on friday night smackdown and you had a match against tiffany - if you won over her, you would get a title shot against nia and after being in the industry for over five years with little to no titles opportunities, you were ready to take it all.

it was your moment to shine, to prove everyone that you deserved to be the women’s champion.

what you didn’t see coming was kevin owen running towards the ring the moment you almost pinned tiffany. you almost had it. but you got distracted by him running and tiffany saw that as an opportunity to stand up and hit you in the back.

you were kinda surprised to see kevin there, why was he even there? he barely talked with you backstage and you pretty sure he wasn’t there to help tiffany as he had no business with her either.

feeling pain in your back, you tried to take back control inside the ring but when kevin got closer to the metal stairs, you and the blonde woman both turned your head towards him.

“what are you doing?” you almost screamed, definitely irritated that he was there to ruin your moment “get down kevin…”

but he stood there, watching the way you and tiffany kept fighting. for the second time that night you had the chance to pin tiffy down but you were too close to the cords and nonchalantly kevin put tiffany’s leg over them.

“what the heck! kevin!” you screamed, even angrier now. you were pretty sure you did him no harm so why was he ruining your moment like that?

at this point you were tired and in pain. kevin was trying to sabotage you and you didn’t know if you had the strength to pin tiffany down for a third time.

meanwhile backstage roman was getting ready for his interview later that night and he had no idea what was happening in the ring. he knew you had a match and he was dying to see it but jimmy forced him to repeat his lines for the interview and he was missing all of your match, until jey came to the tribal chief private locker room and asked him if he knew why was kevin ruining your moment.

roman scrunched his nose, trying to elaborate what his cousin just told him “what did you say?” his tone hard.

“kevin is costing y/n’s title opportunity man, i didn’t even know those two had beef” jey uso repeated.

his words making roman’s blood boil “they don’t” he simply said before he left his changing room.

you fought with every single bone in your body. your head was spinning, your back was killing you and you were tired but you wanted that title opportunity so you kept fighting and for the third time that night you had the chance to pin tiffany down, only for kevin to grab you by the leg and drag your body away from the blonde one.

you couldn’t understand. you really couldn’t.

was it in the script and no one told you?

was your career so pathetic that superiors wanted you out of any title opportunity and instead of telling you, they sent kevin?

your mind was spinning so fast and even faster when your teary eyes met kevin’s eyes. somehow you knew he felt guilty about what he was doing to you and yet he kept going on, dragging your body out of the ring.

you had no strength left so you laid there, hearing the bell ringing, letting tiffany win, and you lose, again.

the crowd erupted in boos, especially since everyone was waiting for your match and cheering for you.

you still laid there, trying to catch your breath again when you suddenly heard the crowd going apeshit.

a very mad roman reigns was running towards kevin owens and punched him right in the face. you quickly stood up, surprised he was even there.

you stood by the ring, a hand behind your back as you tried to catch your breath once again. jimmy and jey coming to your rescue as you all watched roman dragging kevin inside the ring “your beef is with me, now with her…you’re gonna pay for this” he whispered, almost as a promise before leaving the ring.

the crowd was cheering, thinking that it was all part of a script and some even thought that you were going to join the bloodline but you honestly had no idea what was happening.

you saw roman waking towards you, his eves never leaving your body “you okay?” he asked but you were too confused that didn’t even answer “let’s get you backstage…” and for the first time you saw the twins walking in front of him as. roman’s hand gently moved to your back as he helped you walking away from the scene.

medical staff checked you out and luckily you had nothing broken. you were just in a big uncomfortable pain.

roman brought you to his changing room, telling jey and jimmy to go somewhere else as he wanted to speak with you - alone.

“are you okay y/n?” he asked once you sat down on his couch.

“yeah, i think so…” your voice trembled. you definitely weren’t okay. you didn’t even know what happened in the last thirty minutes. your brain couldn’t comprehend it.

“you’re not okay…come here” he gently sat next to you and engulfed you in his big arms. you didn’t even realise you started crying. soft whimpers left your body as roman stroked his hand over your back “kevin is gonna pay for what he did” he said with stern voice.

you looked up at him, quickly wiping your tears away “i don’t think i’ve ever been mean or rude to him, why would he cost me the only title opportunity i’ve been given in five years?” you said mostly to yourself.

“because of me…” roman didn’t want to confess. he didn’t want to ruin the little friendship you two had.

your look quite confused “you?”

“yeah me…” he took a deep breath “because the men in the locker room know…”

“they know what?” you couldn’t understand what he was trying to say.

“that you’re my weakness…” he tried to avoid your look as you watched him with big eyes “you’re my weakness, i never felt like this and they know it…they know i have feelings for you but no one ever said anything…except for kevin, who thought that ruining your moment was okay…he did it because of me, he probably feels like shit knowing that he fucked you up but he got my reaction, he pissed me off and that was his goal” he exhaled once he was finished.

you stayed there, trying to assemble what roman just told you. he liked you, kevin used you to piss roman off and roman defended you, because, again, he had feelings for you.

“you have feelings for me?” you whispered, fearing that if you said it out loud it would have been fake.

“yes…”

“you, the roman reigns, the tribal chief, you have feelings for me?” you whispered again, making roman chuckle this time “am i dreaming? that’s the only possible explanation, i am dreaming…”

his strong voice chuckled again “i promise you that you’re more than awake…”

“why didn’t you say anything about it? we could have avoided a lot of silence conversations…” you asked.

“because i didn’t know, i still don’t know what the outcome of my confession is…i didn’t want to lose you and in all honesty i loved being in your silent comforting presence” he smiled, making you smile back.

you looked at him, trying to find any sign that he was lying but when you find none, you moved closer to rest your lips upon his bigger ones. it was a soft kiss, the both of you testing the waters.

“this would have been the outcome if you told me earlier…” you whispered against his lips, making him laugh.

the title opportunity long forgotten when roman gently moved you over his lap and deepened the kiss.

“i can’t believe you like me…” you whispered, too stunned to believe what just happened.

“i’ve been liking you since you joined the roster…i should have said something earlier…” he said softly while his hand softly stroked your cheek “but i’m glad i did it now…” he kissed you back feeling you smile against his lips.

after a couple of minutes of softly making out, you both got distracted by the twins knocking on roman’s door.

“not now” he said, a stern voice while you tried not to laugh.

“we just wanted to remind you of the interview…” jimmy voice said and you felt romantic scoffing, clearly annoyed to be doing that interview.

“i’ll be out in five” he screamed back and began to kiss you again when he felt the twins walking away from his locker room.

“as much as i love this, you have work to do…” you reminded him, getting an annoyed look by him.

moving back to sitting on the couch, you let roman getting ready as you admired him. he smirked feeling your look on him, especially when you tried to look away.

“i promise you, you’ll get your title opportunity back and no one will interfere this time, you have the bloodline protection, that’s a promise” he said, promising you.

of course you believed him - you knew how important he was in the game and he knew that if he asked hunter for a little favour, he wouldn’t say no.

“once i’m done with my interview, i’ll come back here and then we’ll finish what we started, back at my hotel” he smirked again before leaving the room.

you watched him leave, not being able to answer back. your mouth agape at the idea of spending even more time with roman - maybe, after all, it wasn’t a bad night.

[slut4thebroken]

Home Improvements

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Emmett x wife!reader

Summary | Emmett does yard work while you’re outside tanning and you (both) get a little needy.

Warnings | Smut, semi public sex, humiliation, exhibitionism, a lil degradation, breeding, slight age gap, they’re so cute it kinda makes me sick lol.

Words | 1.8 k

Notes | I’ve been wanting to write some consensual Emmett stuff for a while so thank you to the anon who sent an ask to @kiss-me-cill-me who ended up tagging me🤭

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

More of these two

(Ignore the fact that idk how lawn mowers work lmaooo)

You were laying down on a lawn chair in your favorite bikini, sunglasses on and book in hand, but you weren’t reading anymore. You were completely focused on Emmett. The top two buttons of his shirt were left open and his already short sleeves were rolled up a little, showing even more of his muscles and tattoo in a way that made your mouth water. 

When you noticed he was standing still, you forced yourself to pay attention and realized he was looking at you. “What?” You called out. The engine of the lawn mower was still on, but it was quieter now that he wasn’t moving it. 

“I asked if it’s too loud.” Your heart fluttered a little— he’s always so considerate. 

“No it’s okay. Thank you for checking though.” You were out here first so of course he wanted to make sure he wasn’t disturbing your tanning/reading time. 

You continued watching him. Occasionally he’d stop and remove his hat to wipe the sweat from his forehead, but he was getting through it pretty quickly, much to your displeasure. 

“Hey, Emmett?” You yelled, hoping he heard you with how far he was. He paused, turning toward you, and when you waved him over, he obeyed instantly.

“Yeah?” 

“Aren't you kind of hot? It’s like 80 degrees out today.” You said casually, confusing him. 

“A little, I guess.” He shrugged. 

“Maybe you should take your shirt off. Feeling the breeze really helps.” You suggested, glancing down at your mostly nude body to show that you weren’t completely bullshitting that excuse. He chuckled quietly and shook his head a little, looking away from you with a small smile. 

“Sure, baby.” You knew that he knew exactly what you were doing, but you didn’t care. You got what you wanted and that’s all that matters. He started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, then tossed it onto the second lawn chair. Since he already knew, you decided to close your book and put it on the small table in between both chairs. 

“You know, it also might help if you work a little slower too. Going fast means using more effort, and that means getting hotter quicker.” You knew it was grasping at straws and completely cheesy, but he scoffed a laugh and played along. 

“Good point. Any other suggestions?” 

“None that don’t involve public indecency.” You said teasingly and he chuckled again before walking back over to the lawn mower to continue. You could see now that his torso was glistening with a light sheen of sweat, only getting you more worked up. 

There was something so incredibly hot about watching your husband do completely mundane, domestic tasks like mowing the lawn and barbecuing. He also had a really bad habit of doing home self improvements… so at any given time, there was at least one part of the house that was unfinished. The plus side to his love of home diy’s was that he’d build you things for the house, like extra storage in a weird space where nothing could really fit, or a new table after you accidentally spilled paint all over it and couldn’t get it off. 

You frowned when he turned the lawn mower off and started walking over to you. “It looks amazing, honey.” You smiled, shamelessly eyeing his body as he sat down on the chair next to yours. You offered him your glass of ice water which he took eagerly, gulping down more than half of it in one go. “You know, I think you deserve a reward for doing such a good job.” Honestly, it was more a reward for you being able to sit here for half an hour without jumping his bones. 

“You hate when I’m all sweaty.” You could tell that he wanted whatever you were offering though. 

“Yeah… but that just gives us an excuse to have round two in the shower.” You smirked and his lips curled up into a small smile. 

“Come here.” He said as he laid back in the lawn chair, letting you climb onto his lap. His hands settled on your hips as you took off your glasses and his hat before finally kissing him. Your arms draped over his shoulders, letting you play with the hair at the nape of his neck. When he pulled back, you whined quietly. “I don’t think I can do yard work while you’re tanning anymore. I’ve been hard since I walked out here.” You choked out a laugh, then started grinding on his bulge, making his breath catch in his throat. 

“I agree. I’ve been wet since you started mowing.” You leaned down to kiss him again, still grinding your hips, and his hands dragged up your sides to cup your breasts, making you moan quietly. When he pulled your bikini down to rest below them, you let out a gasp that turned into a mewl when he leaned forward and sucked your nipple into his mouth. “Fuck- Emmett…” You said through a breath, tightening your grip on his hair. “People might see.” Even though you were in the backyard that had a wood fence all the way around the perimeter, there was still a chance. 

“Thought you said I deserve a reward.” He grumbled, moving to your other nipple to suck and nip at it teasingly. “And I want to fuck my wife on my own property. I don’t give a shit if someone sees.” You knew that wasn’t true. You’d have to stop him from commiting a felony if someone accidentally saw your body because of how jealous and possessive he could be. 

“I’m gonna be pissed if we get in trouble with the HOA.” A few years ago, you never would’ve imagined that you’d be married, living in a suburban house, worried about the HOA. Despite your words, you started snaking your hands down his chest and stomach to his belt. You managed to unbuckle it, even with how close your bodies were, then you opened his pants and took out his cock, stroking him to full hardness. 

“Fuck.” He hissed, kissing up your chest to your neck, then sucking the skin into his mouth to leave a mark. “Need you, doll.” He whispered, hips bucking up toward your hand, desperately seeking out your tight, warm cunt. Since you were just as desperate, you quickly pulled your bikini bottoms to the side and sunk down on his cock, making both of you moan. You sat down on him completely, then paused, needing to let yourself adjust. 

When his hands snaked around to your back and tugged on the string of your bikini, you gasped and tried to keep the fabric from moving away— at least with it below your breasts, you could quickly cover yourself if needed. Emmett didn’t seem to care about that though as he pulled it over your head then threw it somewhere to the side. 

“Fuck..” You said through a breath. The risk was making you infinitely needier and as you continued to get more turned on, you started to care less about someone possibly seeing. 

“Come on, baby. Give me my reward.” He gruffed. As if your body was completely under his command, you started rocking your hips, warming yourself up a little. You cried out when he suddenly slapped your ass. “You know what I want.” His voice was much harsher now, making it clear that this was a demand, not a request. So you started bouncing up and down on his lap, forcing moans out of both of you. “That’s it… Be a good little wife and use that greedy cunt to please my cock.” He groaned, slapping your ass again before moving his hands up to grope your tits. You were starting to sweat now as you panted, quickly heating up from the exertion. 

Getting bolder, he suddenly reached for the strings on both hips, then quickly pulled to untie them. “Emmett..” You warned— being completely nude was way too risky.  

“We can move this to the front yard if you’d prefer.” He threatened, making you falter. When you gave up on trying to stop him, he smirked and removed the fabric, leaving you fully bare. “What would people say, honey?” He murmured mockingly. “If they knew that you liked riding me in public, in broad daylight, without wearing any clothes.” 

“Emmett…” You whined, his words making you needier. 

“Oh, I know, baby… I know.” He cooed, brushing your hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek. “You can’t help being a whore, but it’s okay because you’re my whore. Isn’t that right?” 

“Yes.” You mewled, desperately moving your hips, chasing your release. 

“Say it.” His hands settled on your hips and he held you still, then started bucking up into you. 

“I’m your whore, Emmett.” You whined with a blush. He moved one hand to smack your ass as a warning, then immediately put it back on your hip. “I’m your whore!” You cried out, much louder this time. “Fuck— please make me come.” 

“Wait just a little longer, doll, I’m almost there.” He said breathily, tightening his grip on your hips almost painfully and bucking up into you so fast, you had to bite your lip to keep from screaming. Your breasts were moving embarrassingly with how hard he was pounding you, only furthering your humiliation… which only brought you closer to the edge. 

“Emmett.. please, I can’t hold it.” You whimpered, clinging to his shoulders, trying to ground yourself. 

“Go ahead, sweet girl…” He said through a breath. “Come for me.” You reached down to rub your clit and when your orgasm crashed over you, Emmett quickly lifted a hand to cover your mouth, muffling what would’ve been a mix of a scream and a moan. You stared down at him with furrowed brows as your body trembled with each wave of pleasure that rolled through you. 

He cursed under his breath when your orgasm made your cunt squeeze his cock almost too tight, sending him over the edge as well. You only had to endure the overstimulation for a few seconds while he continued bucking up into you, riding it out. His grunts and breathy moans were creating a new pool of arousal in your stomach, but he was done before he could get you worked up all over again. 

When he relaxed his grip, you accidentally sunk down all the way, making you both wince from the sensitivity. You were still panting and Emmett was in a similar state, but he snaked his hand around to the back of your neck and pulled you down into a kiss anyway. It was short, but still deep and passionate, leaving you even more breathless. 

“I’m going to look into building higher walls for the fence so you can start tanning naked.” His lips were curled up into a poorly concealed smirk. “Just so you don’t get tan lines, obviously...” He said coyly, making you laugh. 

I think I want to write more for them cause I really like their dynamic so send me some ideas <3

[roryculkinluvr]

PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

ೃ⁀➷ pairing: sub stalker charlie x fem dom reader

ೃ⁀➷ warnings: stalking, masturbation, fingering, pre mature ejaculation, dacryphilia, overstimulation, humiliation kink, mean (ish) reader.

ೃ⁀➷ notes: this wasn’t supposed to be this long but enjoy…

you had just gotten in bed, with your hands in between your legs, right above your underwear as you heard loud rustling from outside your window. you knew it was charlie. you knew he would come to your window, watch you change, watch you touch yourself.

he wasn’t aware that you knew about his perversions, how he’d cum in his pants by just watching you squirm under your own touch. was it bad that you found it hot? the way he stalked you, the way he was completely and utterly obsessed with you. you’d leave your blinds open every night, just incase he wanted a show.

you and charlie had a couple of classes together and would talk every now and then. you had always found him attractive but you knew he was infatuated with you. you saw the way he looked at you, spoke to you, about you. you’d have to be dumb not to realize.

knowing charlie was right outside your window, you hand wasn’t enough. so you decided to ‘catch’ him.

you got out of bed, walking over to your window, you could hear charlie trying to climb off the ledge of your roof. you opened the glass to it see just who you thought it was, a guilty look painted on his face.

“what are you doing here char?” you questioned, playing dumb. charlie’s eyes scanned over you, you wore pyjama shorts that fell just under your ass and a tight tank top that he could see your hard nipples through.

“i-i can, i can explain myself.” he stuttered, panicking.

“go on then.” you told him. you crossed your arms over your chest, making your tits press together which drove him mad.

“i—”he muttered, he couldn’t even think of an excuse right now.

“were you watching me touch myself?“ you teased, your lips turned up into a soft smirk. poor charlie was so confused, he thought you would file a restraining order on him but it almost seemed like you enjoyed it.

“no- no i wasn’t i swear.” his tone was meek, begging to be believed, he even put his hands up, as if you were a cop.

“i’m not stupid charlie, you can tell me the truth. you’re not in trouble.”

“okay… i was.” he couldn’t look at you while admitting this.

“why don’t you come in my room char, it’s kinda chilly out hm?” you bit back a smile.

“uh, okay.” he crawled through your window, you closed it behind him. charlie examined every inch of your room, obviously he had seen it many times but never up close. charlie took in every detail of your room. he surveyed photos of you and your friends you had hung on your wall, little trinkets you kept, the products on your dresser.

you laid back down on your bed, propping yourself up on your elbows. you motioned for charlie to sit at the end of your bed, he obeyed.

“charlie?” you called, disturbing his train of thought.

“yeah.” he replied almost immediately.

“were you touching yourself while watching me?” you were driving him insane, but he deserved it.

“mhm.” he nodded, unable to meet your eyes. he felt so bad, so guilty, so pathetic.

“okay, well since you interrupted me, why don’t you watch me and try not to.”

“i dunno if i can.” he looked down at the his boner, poking through his sweatpants.

“kinda owe it to me char. i mean, i did just catch you stalking me, the least you can do is do what i say. plus i wanna hear you beg to touch yourself.”

“fuck.” he groaned. you giggled at him before pulling your tank top off, making sure charlie’s eyes were on you. the sight of your boobs right in front of him only made him harder, he wanted to touch them or suck on them, anything would be enough.

“bet you wanna feel my tits so bad huh? i mean you’ve been watching me change, jerking yourself off while looking at them. this isn’t the first time you’ve been outside my window.” you taunted. “gonna have to earn it.”

“how-how do i earn it?” he wasn’t even concerned with how you knew that he had been watching you for a while, just desperate to feel you.

“already told you char, watch me touch myself without touching yourself.” you pulled down your shorts to reveal the lacy thong you wore. charlie couldn’t help but notice the huge wet spot on your underwear.

‘you did like this.’ charlie thought to himself. he stared at you as you rubbed your clit over your soaked thong, teasing yourself with one hand, playing with your tits with the other.

“you’re so… wet.” charlie said in a breathy voice.

“mhmm was thinking about you char.” you told him. his eyes went wide,

“r-really? you were?” he smiled at you. charlie sounded so pathetic, you loved it.

“mhmm.” you nodded, slowly removing your thong. the sight of your body entirely exposed forced charlie to whimper.

“i-i think about you, like that, a lot.” he was struggling so hard not to touch himself, it almost hurt. at this point, your cunt was throbbing, desperate for stimulation.

“i know you have.” you replied before rubbing your clit in circular motions, humming in pleasure.

“can i um, can i touch you instead…like finger you? i won’t touch you anywhere else if i’m not allowed to yet.” charlie couldn’t bare just watching you. if he couldn’t touch himself, he wanted to touch you. “please?”

“not yet, be patient.” you spread your legs further apart, pumping two fingers from your free hand into your entrance slowly. “feels so fucking good, don’t touch yourself yet charlie.” you groaned.

“t’so hard not to.” he whined, putting his hands behind his back to retrain himself.

“i know, you’re so needy char. fuck!” you panted. both of your hands sped up, making your moans louder. you were squirming so much. charlie watched you closely, taking in every one of your sounds, movements, and expressions. he whispered compliments as you brought yourself closer to your climax.

after you came, you sat yourself back up on your elbows to see that charlie’s pants were wet. “did you cum in your pants? that needy huh, can’t even wait ten minutes?”

“i know, m’sorry.” charlie said shyly, he looked away

“i didn’t even touch you…you didn’t even touch yourself and you came, holy shit… you don’t get to touch my tits yet, couldn’t even hold off.” you let out a short scoff which was followed by silence. charlie was so embarrassed, not daring to look you in the eyes. he wished he could’ve just disappeared at that moment. “lay beside me char, i wanna see your cock charlie.” you purred. charlie followed your order, moving from the edge of your bed, next to you. “now show me, take off your shirt too.”

charlie nodded before swiftly removing his shirt. he then pulled down his sweat pants, exposing his cum filled boxers. finally, he took off his boxers to reveal his dick. he looked over at you, your eyes remained on his body.

“so perfect char, bet it’s really sensitive right now though hm?” you asked. charlie’s cheeks turned red at your compliment.

“thank you and yeah m’sensitive.” charlie responded.

you shifted your body so you were on your side, facing charlie. you tucked his hair behind his ear, bringing your mouth to charlie’s it you whispered, “i wanna make you cum again”.

charlie’s breath hitched, he couldn’t believe you were finally going to touch him. after countless nights of imagining that his hand was your warm, tight pussy wrapped around him or your soft hand pumping his cock, he was finally getting to feel you. “please make me cum again, please.” he begged.

“so needy.” you giggled, crawling downward until your lips met charlie’s sensitive tip. you placed short, gentle kisses on it, holding his shaft in your hand.

“oh my god, fuck.” he huffed, his breath heavy.

“i haven’t even started yet.” you nagged, taking your soft lips off his tip. while still giggling, you began slowly moving your hand up and down his shaft.

“mmm thank you.” a stupid smirk was plastered on his face as he watched you speed up your movements. after a few minutes, his chest began to rise and fall rapidly as his mouth hung open, high pitched and draw out whimpers leaving his lips. you felt his dick twitch in your hand before he came for the second time.

you took a second to think of a real punishment for him. as the idea crossed your mind, you immediately wrapped your mouth around his soft cock, feeling it grow in your mouth.

“wah- what are you doing? i, fuck, i can’t go again.” he babbled. you rolled your eyes in annoyance, taking your mouth off his dick.

“too bad isn’t it, didn’t i tell you that you owe me? charlie, you’ve been watching me, stalking me for weeks now. can’t you just do what i say?” your tone was weirdly calm.

“okay…m’sorry” he answered. you placed your mouth back on his now, painfully hard cock, hollowing your cheeks. “ahhh! it’s too much.” he moaned. unable to stay till, charlie began squirm and bucking his hips into your mouth.

“ohmygoddd please i’m sorry, fuck aughhh! i’m sorry for stalking you, it’s too much please!” his words were slurred, charlie didn’t even know what he was pleading for. tears began streaming down his face from overstimulation. you bobbed your head up and down on his cock at an increasingly fast pace, the room filled with charlie’s loud sobs and whimpers. you then felt that same twitch as before and as you suspected, shortly after, charlie’s warm cum filled your mouth, you swallowed every drop.

you returned back to where you laid before, watching tears flood from his blue eyes. “you look so pretty when you cry charlie”.

he turned towards you. “thank you.” he sniffed as you wiped his tears from his cheek. holding charlie’s jaw in your hand, you traced his cheek with your thumb. “you’re always pretty.” he spoke. the two of your faces were so close together, charlie brought his lips to yours, you kissed back passionately, feeling charlie grin against your lips. one of his hands found its way too the bare skin right under your boob. “can i um- can i?” he questioned after pulling away from your lips.

“go ahead.” you responded before attaching your lips to his once again. charlie cupped your tit in his hand, squeezing and kneading it.

“so fucking perfect.” he groaned before shortly pecking your lips.

“charlie.” you said, staring at him.

“mhm?” he mumbled, looking away from your tits and up at you.

“next time you’re outside my window, you can just come in.” you purred. your words forced charlie to whimper. he could do this again? touch you? maybe even be inside you? god he felt lucky.

“actually?” he looked at you with that pathetic smile.

“yeah, maybe you’ll get to touch more than just my tits next time.” you smirked at him, kissing him once more before he cleaned himself up, climbing back out of your window.

the next night, you heard tree taps at your window. knowing it was charlie, you opened the window to let him in. almost immediately, you began undressing each other between staggered sloppy kisses. the night ended in him sobbing after you rode him, making him cum five times, which left his cock red. he knew he deserved it.

[cyripticchronicler]

i haven’t request before so i apologise if i’ve done anything wrong 😭

sirius finding out about james & regulus’ relationship so he asks out james’sibling!reader for ‘revenge’ but falls for reader hard.

it’s absolutely fine if you don’t do this, just thought i’d request and i love your fics 🤍🦇

Accidental Love

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Potter!Reader

Summary: Sirius can't erase the image of Regulus and James together. And he knows that the only way to put out the flame of anger in his chest is through you.

A/N: This is my longest fic yet ahaha. It was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoy! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to your requests, I've had so many things to write! To all the other people who have requested, I'll get to them as soon as I can. I love you all and you deserve great things xx (Yes that's a Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) quote at the end of the fic)

TW: Swearing, Sirius is kinda a dick, mention of Sirius' bad parents, kissing, not proofread (please tell me of any mistakes)

Masterlist

The red hot betrayal stings Sirius’ tongue and poisons each gulp of water he forces down his throat in an attempt to control his growing anger. His hands shake, fisted at his side, yet he can’t draw his eyes from the scene in front of him. 

His best friend and brother, laughing and holding hands like it was completely normal to see the two together. Sirius isn’t sure why the sight in front of him hurts so bad. Maybe it’s because it’s his brother, one he’s never had a good relationship with because of his parents always pushing them apart, laughing so easily and carelessly with his best friend. Or maybe it’s because it’s James, one of his best friends, the one he tells everything, keeping this relationship with his brother a secret. 

He probably looks insane, sitting alone in the corner of The Three Broomsticks, anger rolling off of him in waves. He’s not sure what to do. Does he go up there and confront them? Does he pretend like he saw nothing? Logistically, he knows it would be better to walk away, take a moment to gather his thoughts, but he just can’t get the image of them out of his mind, can’t get the taste of betrayal off of his tongue. 

So he forms a plan, one he doesn’t let himself second guess. And he knows it’s going to work well, knows it’s going to hit James right where it hit Sirius because it involves you.

✰✰✰

You’re none the wiser to the plans and strategies forming in Sirius’ head, leaning against the armrest in the Gryffindor common room as you chat adamantly about all the Transfiguration homework that has been set. 

Alice, smiling at how worked up you get over the class, listens eagerly to your complaints, butting in when it feels right. Lily on the other hand, taking up all the space on the sofa with her long legs, pokes at your arm in an attempt to shut you up, having heard you complain on the way to the grand hall this morning. 

“How about instead of complaining, you actually do the homework,” She teases, giggling as Alice hits her leg playfully. Your face scrunches in confusion, head tilting to the side ever so slightly. “I’ve already done the homework.”

Alice and Lily gawk at you. Huffing out a laugh, Alice grins teasingly. “Then what’s all this complaining for? You’ve been talking non-stop for half an hour about this bloody homework.” It’s your turn to smile, shifting so your feet are between Lily’s legs spread out on the couch, ignoring her annoyed yelp. “Just because I’ve finished doesn’t mean the amount wasn’t pure torture the whole time.”

You hear Lily’s smirk before you see it. “That sounds a little dirty. Who’s been torturing you, missy?” Your eyes widen, cheeks flushing even as you laugh. “Shush! My brother’s probably here somewhere, and I don’t think he’d like the thought of his little sister getting it on,” You grit through your teeth, scanning the crowded room to look for him. You sigh in relief when you see no sight of him.

“Oh please,” Alice pinches your cheeks. “No one would believe you’re getting it on. When a guy asks you out you just stare at them and wait until they take it back.” You swat her hands away and rub your red cheeks. “That is not true!” They just stare at you, eyebrows raised. 

Thankfully, you’re saved from having to defend yourself when someone pointedly clears their throat from behind you. Cringing at the thought of someone having heard your conversation, you turn around slowly, heart speeding up at the sight of none other than Sirius Black in front of you. 

You’ve stopped lying to yourself about the tiny, minuscule, crush you have on Sirius months ago. There’s no denying the speeding of your heart, or the way your cheeks flush when he so much as looks your way. But you’ve pushed those feelings away, deep down inside you to gather dust and hopefully one day, whither away.

You muster up your best smile and ignore the heat in your cheeks. “Hey, Sirius. I’m not sure where James is but I think Remus is in the library.” He smiles his usual, arrogant smile but it wobbles like it’s hard to hold. 

“I’m not here to see them. I’m here to see you.” Eyes widening a fraction, you attempt to get your thoughts in place, though it’s hard with the consistent poking of Lily’s finger on your arm. “Okay.” You take Sirius’ gesture to an emptier part of the room as a sign, awkwardly shuffling out of between Lily’s feet and trying not to trip. 

“What did you need to talk to me about?” Your hands fiddle nervously behind your back and you shift on your feet. Sirius reveals his picture-perfect smile, eyes crinkling in the corners. Smoothly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, he places a cold hand on your shoulder, stopping your nervous movements. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime? Just the two of us?” Time seems to stop, your breath getting caught in your throat. Through your shocked haze, the overthinking spiral begins just like it does when anyone asks you out. Sirius could be asking you out as a joke. Maybe James is pranking you. It’s most likely a dream, Sirius has shown no interest in you before. 

“You okay?” His amused voice snaps you from your over-thinking haze, eyes blinking rapidly at the sudden dryness. Back to the corner of the room, you’re able to spot Alice and Lily eyeing you curiously from their spot on the couch a few feet away. Alice notices your stare and provides an encouraging thumbs up, while Lily performs some crude motions with her fingers.

Frowning, you drag your eyes back to Sirius’ patient eyes. “Um,” Your tongue feels heavy inside your mouth. “Okay?” He lights up, eyes twinkling while an eager grin spreads across his face, showcasing his dimples. You try not to awe out loud. 

“Great! Does tomorrow in hogsmeade sound good? We’ll meet in the common room and walk down together.” You can’t do anything but manage a small smile and nod, overwhelmed with the amount of emotions hitting you. 

Sirius shoots you another smile, and perhaps if you paid more attention you would have noticed the guilt painted on his face, or the smell of revenge as he walked away.

✰✰✰

In the cool common room, morning light peeks through the framed windows and sheds a musky light throughout the empty space. You stand awkwardly in the middle, kicking the dusty carpet nervously with your shoe-clad feet. 

Your heart is beating wildly in your chest and you scratch at the inside of your wrist, a nervous habit you picked up years ago. You’ve been standing for at least five minutes now, no sign of Sirius. Your mind is racing and you begin to wonder if he’s even coming or not, but thankfully for you and your heart, the sound of footsteps break out behind you.

“Hey!” You whip around, a small smile on your face that reflects the glee in your bones. “Hi,” You whisper, letting him pull you in for a small hug, a mere touch of your shoulders before he’s walking slowly beside you. 

“I was thinking we could go shopping then maybe get a butterbeer?” The small grin that paints his face is noticeable through his voice. “I’d love that. Um-” You scratch your eyebrow in an attempt to clear your thoughts. “How are you?”

His hand moves to your back, guiding you down the windy path that leads to Hogsmeade, layered with early morning frost. Your hands, clad in gloves to beat the cold, fidget nervously with the straps of your bag. “I’m well. Been busy with school. Remus’ birthday is coming up so we’ve been trying to plan something for him. How about you?”

“I’m okay. I’ve been swamped with school work, and barely had enough time to paint.” 

“You paint?” He asks curiously. You nod. “Yeah, mostly realism but sometimes abstract.”

“I’d love to see your work sometime, I’m sure it's beautiful.” You blush for what seems like the millionth time today. “Maybe one day.” You don’t share your art much, only to close friends like Lily and Alice, but only the really good ones. Yet, you can see yourself sharing your artwork with Sirius. 

You continue to chat about your classes, chatting adamantly with each other. And it feels good. He seems to care, laughs and makes jokes at the right times, stares at you with increasing interest. 

But there’s a nagging feeling in your gut, something that won’t go away no matter how much candy from Honeydukes you eat. “You alright?” Sirius asks when you’re quieter than usual, staring off into space while trying to decipher the odd feeling. 

Sirius watches as a frown tarnishes your usually happy face, the guilt of what he’s doing, how he’s using you, nagging at him. Yet he can’t seem to stop, whenever he thinks of admitting what he’s doing the image of James and Regulus together stares back at him and makes it hard for him to open his mouth. 

“Sorry, I’m alright, Sirius. Just thinking.” His shoulder bumps yours, pulling you along to The Three Broomsticks. “About?” He grins, a certain spark in his eyes. You smile back. “Just things.” He pulls you to a stop right outside the entrance, moving down your sweater-covered arms until his hands are in yours. 

“You’re really pretty.” It’s true, but it doesn’t stop the pang of guilt, followed quickly by an image of James and Regulus hugging. You melt, flushing under his stare, that's swarming with so much admiration, you find it impossible to believe.

“Thank you. So are you.” Entering The Three Broomsticks, warmth and the smell of butterbeer greeting you. You're too absorbed in finding an empty table to notice the pink flush that covers the apple of his cheeks. 

Throughout Sirius’ lifetime, he’s never gotten many compliments. After leaving his family and moving in with James, Euphemia had given Sirius many motherly compliments. But coming from a beautiful girl who he’s treating unfairly, the compliment hits hard. 

But it still doesn't stop him from planning, scheming. How can he show James how it hurts? How does he make sure he feels the same pain and betrayal Sirius felt when seeing Regulus and him together?

Watching you, eyes lit up by the flickering candles that provide a romantic, peaceful aroma, he knows that it’s going to hurt you. Painfully hard. 

✰✰✰

“How are you doing, Padfoot? Moony and I came up with another prank to get back at Malfoy. Are you up for it?” James speaks so casually, resting against the pillows on his bed while he reads a book about quidditch, it’s hard to think he’s keeping a secret. If Sirius had not seen it with his own eyes, he wouldn't have thought anything was out of the ordinary. 

“No.” He responds gruffly, shrugging on a leather jacket and pulling rings on his fingers. “You okay, Pads?” Remus asks and he finally looks up, noting the frown that pulls at both of their faces. “I’m fine.” His voice is noticeably softer when pointed at Remus.

“Where are you going?” James asks with a small, hesitant smile and Sirius can’t help but feel guilt at the anger he’s feeling towards an oblivious James. But he can’t bring himself to act nicer, can’t force a sweeter tone in his voice. “Date.”

“With who?” Your sister. “Someone.” Remus opens his mouth but he’s quick to cut him off. “Bye.”

Your first date with Sirius was a week ago and Sirius knew straight away what he wanted to do for the second date. Even though he’s doing it to get back at James, he can’t help but feel a pang of excitement at the notion of going on a second date with you.

Your smiling face greets him outside the common room, leaning against the wall across from the Fat Lady. “Hey, love.” You blush adorably at the nickname and Sirius eyes your nails as they scratch at your wrist. He grabs your hand before you can hurt yourself more.

You let him pull you down the moving stairs, your little giggles echoing off the stone walls. “Where are we going?” You ask, tightening your hold on his hand. “Painting.” Your eyes widen and you splutter in shock. 

“What?” Sirius can’t help but grin at the obvious excitement in your eyes. “I told you I wanted to see your artwork. I bought the supplies yesterday, figured we could have a picnic.” Your awe at this new side of Sirius, the side that plans special dates and puts effort into it. It was a nice day today and Sirius wanted to take advantage of the sunny weather before the snow that’s set to fall next week prevents them from going outside.

Sirius had shown no interest in you before. He’d been kind, sure, but you’d never had a proper, real conversation until he asked you out. Maybe that's why there’s still an odd feeling in your gut, maybe it’s because you know it’s weird he asked you out on a random day, without showing any interest in you before that. But for now, you blame it on overthinking and push those feelings away.

You chat aimlessly on the way to the Black Lake, fiddling with your skirt so you don’t do something stupid like grab his hand. After the end of your last date, you’ve both agreed to keep this dating thing a secret. 

The gasp you let out at the sight of the laid picnic has Sirius grinning, a proud sort of glee that rolls down his spine. He takes a seat next to you on the pink checkered blanket, sitting around the pile of food he prays you like. 

Passing you an empty canvas and a basket of paints, he watches as you sit and stare for a moment, contemplating. He doesn’t like the way his heart speeds up at the unmistakable beauty that is your face. So he ignores it. 

“What are you painting?” You grab the colors you need, mixing them on a fresh pallet. The ideas that come to you are clear as day, images of green, healthy trees next to a shimmering, blue lake where people are swimming in the early morning sun. You begin to paint before you forget. 

“Just a landscape. You?” You take a quick peek at his canvas, seeing he’s already added streaks of red and orange. “I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve ever painted before?”

“Ever?” You ask, the shock clear in your voice. You see him grin at you from the corner of your eye. “Never had the opportunity. No one in my family paints and James and Remus don’t.”

“Remus does actually, I ran into him once at this muggle painting class.” Sirius laughs. “Of course he’s painted before. He’s a man of many talents.”

You grin, brushing stray hair out of your eyes. Trying not to shiver at the cold wind, you begin to regret your decision of wearing a skirt and thin, long sleeve top. “He had the best art in the whole class, James couldn’t stop laughing at me when I came back with Remus behind me holding an award for best art.”

Sirius laughs, head throwing back at the thought of Remus’ smug face and your defeated one. “I guess you being siblings with James means you’re friends with all of his friends.” Your smile turns sad, voice quiet. “Yeah.”

Sirius frowns, momentarily stopping to gently nudge your shoulder. “What’s up?” You sigh, biting your lip. “It’s just…All of my friends- most of them, are really only friends with me because of James. Being friends with me would give them more opportunities to get with James, right?” You attempt a laugh though it’s not funny.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is genuine and when you look at him he’s already looking at you, eyes sparkling. You shake your head and look back down at your work. “Don’t be sorry, Sirius. You did nothing. And I have Lily and Alice, I don’t need anyone else.”

The guilt almost eats him alive. He feels physically sick at how you're going to react. At the fact he's doing something that’s going to hurt you badly. Your kind, beautiful soul doesn’t deserve this. 

He opens his mouth, ready to confess and face the backlash of you hating him, something he doesn’t know if he can handle but deserves. You beat him to it. “Don’t tell James, please. I don’t need him feeling guilty, it’s not his fault.” And now he can’t tell you. You’ve poured your heart out, confessed something you haven’t even told James. Maybe one day, when you grow to hate him and leave like they all will, will he tell you.

You continue to paint until the sun starts setting and casts a warm glow on the two of you. With your hair, now tied up in a messy bun and Sirius’ leather jacket around your shoulders, you look perfect in his head. He feels happy and free and he knows he’s looking at you weirdly, too soft for his usual harsh features but he can’t stop. 

So he looks away and shows you his painting of a terrible sunset where two people sit on a grassy field and watch as the sun makes room for the power of the moon. You show yours next, a painting worth the spot next to the Mona Lisa and Sirius makes sure to fawn over it, making sure you know your own worth. Afterwards, you eat and watch the sunset just like the couple in his painting. When you invite him sledding next week, he can’t bring himself to say no. Or to tell you the truth because that would mean losing you, and that’s something he just can’t handle. 

✰✰✰

“You ready, sweetheart?” Your laughter is music to his ears, a melody he’s not sure he could ever go without. It’s scary, how quickly you’ve grown on him, but he can’t bring himself to pull back. 

“I was born ready.” You’re holding a wooden sleigh beneath your armpit, fingers tapping along to a beat in your head as you trudge through the thick snow that fell overnight, the sunny weather from your last date nowhere to be found. 

You stop at the tip of a snowy hill, white frosting reflecting the sun in your eyes that you attempt to shield away with your gloved hands. “Let’s do this.” You grin teasingly at Sirius, holding up your sleigh. He copies you, hitting yours gently with your own. 

Placing the sleigh on the ground, he crouches down beside it with a furrowed brow. “How do we do this?” Your eyebrows raise in surprise. “You’ve never done this before?” He sheepishly smiles, scratching the back of his neck. “My family’s not one for things like sledding.” 

You know about his family history of course, James has been talking to your Mom and Dad a lot more recently, discussing how we could get Sirius to stay with us. You hope one day he can do all the things he wasn’t allowed to do. Him and Regulus deserve better. 

You know Sirius wouldn’t appreciate the pitying look on your face so you mask it with excitement and quickly teach him how to sit in the sleigh. “Race you.” You challenge once he’s ready before speeding down the steep hill, Sirius not too far behind you. Laughter fills the air, your hair whipping behind you. 

Once you reach the end with an abrupt stop, you roll onto the cool snow, making snow angels. Sirius’ face comes into view, blocking the sun from your squinting eyes and you grin, tongue between your teeth as you attempt to withhold your loud giggles. 

“I beat you!” And then he’s jumping down beside you, rolling over top of you to tickle your warming body. He’s greedy, wanting more of your laughter that seems to be his lifeline. “That was luck!” He insists, continuously tickling you until you tap out. 

Then you’re running up the hill again, sleigh behind you while Sirius follows. He’s barely in his sleigh before you’re speeding down the hill again, a whir of colors in the white cloudy snow. He attempts to catch up, a running head start proves useful when he’s speeding past you with an excited cheer. 

The abrupt stop has him falling into the snow that he pays no attention to, whipping around to try and decipher where you went, having lost you halfway down the hill. “Hello?” He yells into the open, empty air. He can’t see you anywhere, just pure white snow. 

Sirius frowns, standing up to look around. “Hello?” His heart is racing now, no sight of you anywhere. “Where are you?” Stomping through the snow, he runs up the hill to see if you’re there. You’re not. 

“Boo!”

Sirius jumps in fright, letting out a high pitched scream that has you doubling over in laughter. “You-You-” You mock his face, quiet laughs escaping your open mouth. Stomach hurting from how much you’ve laughed, you collapse to the floor again, this time bringing Sirius with you. He falls beside you, one hand holding his head up while he watches you die of laughter, smile on his chapped lips. 

Slowly, your laughter dies down, silence heavy in the air. You open your eyes to find him staring back at you and you sigh at the beauty of his face. The slope of his nail, sharp cut of his jaw and accentuated cheekbones. 

He’s like a force that can’t be defeated, leaning up on your elbows, nose grazing his. He smiles, hot breath hitting your plump lips. “Can I kiss you?” You’re not sure whether the words uttered were your own or his, but both of you eagerly lean into each other, lips grazing before he’s pressing them against yours. 

It’s heart stopping, a thrill racing down your spine and you press yourself harder against him, letting him grip your waist with his large hands. Sirius can’t think, can’t feel anything but your lips on his, warm and soft and perfect.

And he knows that he can’t ever tell you. He can’t tell you of his cruel, unforgivable actions because he knows now that you were the one he always needed. He won’t tell you anything.

✰✰✰

“Did you just smile at my sister?” James’ voice snaps Sirius out of his trance where he was thinking and looking at you. Whipping his head to face James, whose face is set in curiosity, Sirius merely nods. “We’ve become…Friends.”

He can’t help himself and sneaks another look at you where you sit not too far away, hands moving wildly in front of you whilst talking to Alice and Lily. He grins again. 

“Oh,” A knowing glint enters James’ eyes. Sirius ignores it. “I’m glad you’ve become…Friends.” James attempts to hide his smirk by drinking his orange juice. 

Sirius is too absorbed in you and the fact you’re walking near him to notice or care. He thinks he’s about to have a heart attack when you stop beside him, lips tingling in memory of the kiss from just yesterday. 

He feels his heart deflate when you direct your attention to James and not him. “You said you wanted to talk to me?” His eyes widen and he nods, shooting Sirius a quick, guilty glance before standing up from his seat. “Yeah, I want your advice on something. Can we walk?”

Your eyebrows furrow, curiosity reflecting in your eyes. You nod and follow him out of the great hall whilst shooting Remus and Sirius a parting smile. 

“I’m glad to hear you and Sirius are friends.” Hands in his uniform pockets, James is a ball of nervous energy. You blush at his words and the only response you can come up with is a quiet “yeah.”

You round the corner that leads to the courtyard. “I was thinking that since you and Sirius are now friends,” He exaggerates the word ‘friend,’ “I could get your advice on how you think he’d feel if he found out me and Regulus are dating.” The whispered last words have you stopping in your tracks, head whipping up to stare at James with wide eyes. 

“You’re gay?” James panics, whipping his head around and aggressively pushing you into an empty classroom. “Merlin, you don’t have to shout it.”

“James,” You can’t hold back your smile, “I’m so happy for you.” He deflates, eyes that once bounced around the room nervously now glint with unshed tears and he pulls you in for a tight hug. 

You hug him back tighter, squeezing in a way you hope annoys him. You mutter against his shoulder, “To answer your question, I think Sirius would be happy for you both. But he’s protective over Regulus, it might take time for him to get used to the idea.”

He pulls away, shaking your shoulder while he subtly wipes away a stray tear. “Okay, thanks, I keep panicking at the thought of Sirius hating me for dating his brother. He’s been ignoring me recently and I keep thinking it’s because he already knows.”

Your eyes widen, having a slight suspicion on why Sirius was ignoring James. “I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. Now we should go before we’re late for first period.” He shakes you aggressively, holding you by the shoulders in a brotherly way to annoy you. 

“Yes, go to class, little shit. I’m happy for you and Sirius, you know.” Wild heat blazes across your cheeks, heart growing louder in your ears. “I-I don’t-”

He’s out of the room before you can finish your sentence.

✰✰��

“Let’s go before all the tables are full!” You’re pulling Sirius along, having to take large lunge-like steps to reach The Three Broomsticks quickly. Light snow, melting by each step, provides a slippery path to the entrance. 

Sirius has his hands on your hips, ensuring you don’t fall. He reaches past you to open the door, quickly guiding you in to ensure the heat does not escape. The tilt of his lips is felt against the shell of your ear, keeping you close against him. 

You giggle quietly, a flush warming your whole body. Sirius feels the exact same flush. He’s never felt so warm and happy. It’s all because of you. 

His body bumps into you when you abruptly stop in the middle of the building. Nudging his nose with your cheek - how easily he began to crave your touch a shock to even him - he follows your gaze, letting out a breath at the view he’s unwillingly seen a second time. 

James and Regulus. Noses touching. Hands touching. Staring only at each other. He wonders if that’s what you both look like, infatuated with each other, greedy with touches and absolutely disgusting to look at. 

“Do you-” Your voice, sweet as honey, snaps him out of his thoughts. “-want to sit with them?” Your voice is hesitant, nervous for his reaction. But a simple squeeze of his hand has him nodding and shuffling to the table where James and Regulus have finally noticed you both. 

He notices the way you separate from him so that you’re no longer touching. But, instead of focusing on that, he focuses on shooting his brother a strained, awkward smile. He’s never had the best relationship with his brother, something Sirius regrets deeply. 

The strain their parents caused with favoring one and abusing the other, had caused a rocky relationship that had been on the mend ever since Sirius had become friends with James and Remus. 

“Do you want to sit?” The sharp, blunt voice of his brother has him sitting and pulling you with him. Years of living together has given Sirius the talent of noticing his brother's nervous tics. The tick of his jaw and scrunch of his nose gave him away. 

It seems Sirius wasn’t the only one who noticed his nervousness because James, who still chats with you, places his hand on top of Regulus’. “How are you?” Sirius attempts, tongue heavy in his mouth. 

“Good.” Came his blunt reply. A tap of his hand from James has his jaw twitching. “How are you?” 

“Good.”

Silence

You, ever kind and understanding, would not settle for the awkward and kept the conversation going, conversing with James and Regulus, even attempting to include Sirius, who tried to join in for you. And Regulus. 

He watches the way James notes every expression on Regulus’ face, can read any sign of nervousness, stress, happiness, and he realizes he’s now not the only one who can read his brother. The skill that took Sirius years to master, James had learned in a much shorter amount of time. 

He frowns. “How long have you two been together?” Regulus answers, narrowing his eyes, threatening. “Three months.” James places a comforting hand on his shoulder and Regulus drops the glare. “What about you two?” He asks a lot more gently than Sirius asked. 

You, who watched the situation with an amused brow, flushed embarrassingly quickly. “Oh- we’re not-”

“We’ve been on three dates- four if you count this one. We’re still trying to figure it out.” Sirius replies smoothly. He’s surprised to find no hint of anger or betrayal on James’ face. Like he planned. But, he’s not disappointed at that fact. If anything, he’s relieved. Relieved James isn’t angry about this relationship because Sirius couldn't stay away from you if he tried. 

“I’m happy for you two.” You smile, kicking your brother gratefully under the table. A rare spark of amusement shines in Regulus’ eyes, a void of black. “Knowing you Sirius, I'm surprised you’re not pissed.” He leans forward on his elbows, tilting his head in a playful challenge. “You’re not secretly plotting to get back at us, are you?”

You laugh, turning to Sirius and expecting him to laugh too but he only looks down at his hands that grip his butterbeer, a flash of guilt that’s gone before it’s there. Your smile is tight. Wrapping your arm around Sirius’ arm, you go back to filling the silence. 

“Does Remus know?” James nods, licking the butterbeer off his lips. “Yeah, I needed advice on how to tell you,” He looks at Sirius. “I told him a month ago. That fucker told me he already knew.” 

You laugh, happy your brother is surrounded by such good people. Looking down in your hands, you note your drink is empty and sigh. “Does anyone want another drink?” The glasses in front of James and Sirius are empty while Regulus still nurses his drink. They both nod.

Sirius goes to stand up but you force him to sit with a hand on his shoulder. “Sit. I’ll go get the drinks while you three talk.” You widen your eyes, hoping Sirius gets the hint. Without leaving room for argument, you hurry to the bar to order more drinks, a giddy sort of excitement bubbling your blood. 

“Three butterbeers, please.” You grin, tapping your hands on the bench while you wait. “You and Sirius are cute.” You jump at a new voice, smiling at Marlene who takes the empty spot next to you while she waits for her drinks. 

“Thank you,” You whisper, flushed. She winks playfully at you. “So are Regulus and James. It’s annoying that they're gay, though. They’re so hot.” You laugh awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to someone talking about your brother like that. 

Fresh drinks in front of you, you’re about to head back to the table when Marlene says something that makes you pause. “I’m glad Sirius has finally gotten around to the idea of them together.” You tilt your head in confusion. “Finally? He just learnt of their relationship.”

It’s her turn to look confused. “No? I saw Sirius here like a month ago? He was staring all angry looking at them. I’m surprised steam wasn’t coming out of his ears. He just stood there for a good five minutes before he left, never got a table or anything.”

Your heart beats like crazy, a sinking suspicion forming in your mind. “What day was this?” Marlene smiles, unaware of the impending pain that she forces on your heart. “September 5th?”

The day Sirius asked you out. 

You’re not secretly plotting to get back at us, are you?

He was. 

Not wanting to go back to the table and face the truth just yet, you stand by the bar, listening to Marlene talk and pretending to listen. 

Sirius watches you, unable to keep his eyes off for more than a second. He forces himself to look away when he feels James staring at him though. “Yes?” 

“Don’t hurt her. She may act tough, but she’s sensitive.” James, face that’s usually all smiley and happy, is now set in a threatening glare, jaw clenched and Sirius knows he’s being serious. 

“I never want to hurt her.” It’s true. If the racing of his heart, the weird feeling in his bones, and the dizziness that fogs his mind whenever he thinks of you is any indication, he’s falling in love with you. But just because he wants to doesn’t mean he can go back in time and change his intentions for why he asked you out in the first place. He regrets it. The anger and betrayal that took over him was merely a passing emotion, replaced with happiness for both his brother and James. 

But just because his feelings about their relationship changed, doesn’t mean you would understand why he did it. 

✰✰✰

You’d been awfully quiet the rest of the night. And it’s hitting Sirus the wrong way. He knows something’s wrong but he doesn’t know what, nor does he know how to fix it. 

The light that you emitted was nowhere to be found, and you’ve kept yourself distant, ignoring all his attempts to touch you. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers in your ear, touching your hip gently. He frowns, heart panging when you flinch away from him. “I need to talk to you,” Your voice is a whisper, unable to be heard in the crowded common room if Sirius wasn’t so attentive to your every move. 

He nods, too aggressively to be considered normal. He watches you scratch your wrist and he lets you, not wanting to be rejected again. Or worse; you flinch back.

He follows you like a lost puppy, clambering up the stairs behind you until you’re in the empty hallway. You lean against the wall and he leans against the other one to give you space, wanting nothing more than to reach for your hand. 

“I-” You look down at your shoes, hiding your eyes from his wanting gaze. “I was talking to Marlene. She told me that you saw James and Regulus together like a month ago. And that you looked really angry.” It feels like a rock was stuck in his throat, he couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe. He knows where it’s going and he knows he can’t defend himself because it was all. His. Fault. 

“Then Regulus made a joke, you know the one about you plotting to get revenge. I mean,” You ran your hand through your hands nervously, feeling like there was a pack of bugs in your heart that were fighting to get out “you didn’t even laugh at the joke. It wasn’t that funny but you looked so…Guilty-”

He can’t look you in the eyes when he confesses. “I first asked you out to get back at James.” He swore he could hear your heart break. He could feel his own heart shatter when you started walking away, and he desperately ran in front of you to try and get you to stop. “I have to admit, at first it was merely a ploy to make James understand what I felt. Because I was so angry and I felt so betrayed. I didn’t mean to fall for you, but you’re so brilliant. You’re beautiful and smart, and I was selfish. I’m so sorry, baby.” 

He couldn't keep the agony out of his voice if he tried. His chest was rising and falling in hard breaths and he felt physically nauseous. You’re everything to him and you’re going to leave him. 

“Would you-” Your voice cracks and you clear your throat. “Would you have told me at all? That you used me?” His silence was enough of an answer. 

Your whole body shakes and your bottom lip wobbles. Salty tears roll down your cheeks and you cover your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut and shaking your head. No. He never even wanted you. He took advantage of your stupid crush and used you. A loud sob racks through your body and you turn away, unable to look at the man you had begun to fall in love with. 

“Please-” You managed to speak through gasped sobs. “Please, I can’t look at you right now.”

“I'm sorry-”

“Sirius.”

He walks off, taking your heart with it. The loss of his own heaving breaths told you he was gone and allowed you to finally collapse, falling back against the wall.

✰✰✰

You hadn’t left the girls dormitory in three days. Your heart weighs heavily in your chest and it holds you down, stopping you from going anywhere but your bed and the bathroom. Besides small bites of the food one of the girls had dropped off, you haven’t eaten much either. 

You feel pathetic. You wouldn’t be this worked up over any guy but it was Sirius, a man you’ve been crushing on for what feels like forever. And he used you. After you opened up, told him how you’ve been used multiple times because of James and he did the same thing. 

Three days in near total confinement, you’ve managed to analyze every moment with him. Every kiss, every touch, every look. Was any of it real? You’ve rubbed your cheeks raw from how much you’ve cried.

It hurts so bad and it seems to never end. It feels as though there's a big, gaping hole where your heart should be. 

“Hey, sweetie.” You lift your head from your tear-stained pillow, turning to face the door. Lily has just come back from classes, pretty red hair tied in a bun at the top of her head. She smiles one of her sweet, pitying smiles that only make you feel more pathetic. 

“Hi,” You mutter. She comes closer, stroking your hair and ignoring the knots. “James has come to see you.” 

You sit up so fast you begin to feel dizzy. “Fuck,” You whisper, pressing the palm of your hand against your forehead. “You think you could hold him off?” You already know the answer before she speaks. “I’m sorry. He’s been trying to see you ever since you never showed up for dinner three days ago. ‘Don’t think he’s going to take no for an answer anymore.”

“Okay,” You sigh, sitting up in bed and scrubbing your face. She kisses you on the forehead gently before going to get James who barges into your room almost immediately. “Are you okay?”

You scoff, giving him a smile while he practically forces you into a hug. “I’m fine.” Your voice is muffled by the fabric of his Quidditch shirt. With a disgusted sniff, you push him away from you. “Ew get away you stink.” 

He doesn’t listen and instead forces you against his shirt and you gag, hitting at his arms while he practically suffocates you. “I thought you were trying to comfort me, you piece of shit.” He finally lets you go and you gasp dramatically for fresh air. “I am comforting you. See, there's a small smile on your ugly face.”

“Fuck off,” You mutter, only half meaning it. His face turns serious. “Now, seriously, are you okay?”

You look down at your hands, nodding slowly. “Yeah. Did, uh, Sirius tell you what happened?” He frowns. “He did, had a fucking go at him afterwards.”

“James.” You scold. 

“But then,” He continued, “We talked. And he told me what happened, why he did it. Sure, it was a dick move but he seems really sad at the idea. He was on the verge of a panic attack, Remus had to calm him down. You don’t have to forgive him, but maybe it would help if you two spoke.”

“James,” You sigh, pulling at your hair as the pang of a headache pulses in the front of your brain. “He hurt me. He used me, I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk to him.” Gently, his hands move up to stroke your hair. “Okay, that’s okay. You don’t need to forgive him but I got a letter from Mom and she’s letting Regulus and Sirius stay with us for as long as they need.”

“Okay,” You blink, rubbing your eyes and laying back against the bed. “Can we talk about something else, I’m sick of crying.” He mockingly pouts though you know he really is worried about you. 

And then he’s pulling you in for another hug despite your physical protests. 

✰✰✰

It takes another five days to muster the courage to talk to Sirius. He’s sitting in the common room, staring into the fireplace that blazes with fire, eyes vacant. Remus and James are huddled together, laughing at some gadget they’re playing with. 

You stand against the wall awkwardly, shifting on your feet awkwardly in hope Sirius would snap out of his daydreaming to notice you. Unfortunately, it’s Remus who notices you. And the smiled call of your name is what snaps Sirius out of his trance, bloodshot eyes snapping to yours almost instantly. 

The heartbreak in his eyes is a mirror of your own. You attempt a smile but it wobbles almost instantly. “Can I talk to you?” You’re not even sure you said it out loud but Sirius nods anyway, getting up from his spot on the couch and walking towards you, slowly as if you were ready to run at any moment. 

You feel like you could run at any moment.

With shaking hands, you gently grip his wrist. He lets out a sigh at the small touch of contact, eyes fluttering shut. Gently, you lead him outside of the common room and down the marble steps. 

It’s silent as you keep walking, down, down, down, until you’re at the Black Lake. Not once do you let go of your grip around his wrist. Not once does he comment on it, lest you remove your hand that provides the air he lives on. 

For the first time in a week he feels like he can finally breathe again. He’s scared of what you want to say, and he hates for this to be the last time he can touch you again. Impending dread twists his stomach but he selfishly allows himself to hope. 

“I want you to explain why you did it,” You start, stopping under a snow covered tree. Unlike Sirius, you’re dressed for the cold weather, wearing multiple layers of warm clothing and fluffy gloves. Sirius, on the other hand, is freezing his ass off, with only one layer of clothing and no gloves. But he doesn’t mind as long as it means more time with you. 

He’s been given the opportunity to explain himself and he’s not going to fuck this up. Shaking his head, he starts from the start. “When I first saw James and Regulus together I felt so angry. Regulus and I never had a good relationship, I like to blame it on my parents for pitting us against each other but I know it’s also my fault. I should have tried harder to have a relationship with him.”

It’s hard to stare with you looking at him like that but he’s trying his best. 

“I guess I got…Jealous? I’ve always wanted a good relationship with him- I mean he’s my brother, you know?” he lets out a dry laugh, void of any humor. “And then James didn’t tell me anything, I don’t expect him to but it hurt. I’ve been talking to someone Euphemia suggested and I think I was scared that he was going to leave. Regulus has always been my parents' favorite, and I got scared that James would see how much better he was and would leave me.”

 “Either way, I should have never involved you. And used you like that. You never deserved that and I’m so sorry.”

You’re quiet, staring at the frozen lake. Slowly, you wipe your mouth with your hands, turning to look at him. You manage a small smile before you’re walking towards him hesitantly, taking his hands that look ready to turn blue at any moment into yours. 

“Your hands are cold.” You place a gentle kiss on his knuckles and Sirius would have fallen to his knees in front of you if it wouldn’t have lost contact with your body, warm and inviting. Your lips tickle his fingers as you continue to speak. “A part of me is still a little angry. But I can’t stay away from you. Merlin, one week away from you and all I could think about were your kisses, and how kind you are.”

“So you’ll take me back?”

“Of course, my love.”

Then you’re kissing him, warming his cold lips and melting him from the inside out. You’re gentle, cradling his hands between yours and being so so loving. He feels like he could cry. He’s never felt this loved before, not by his parents, not by his friends, heck, not by his brother. 

“I love you,” It's the first time he’s ever whispered those words, but it feels right. Everything about you and him feels right. 

“I love you too.”